Hi, as all of you probably know, I suffer from severe depression, this came on at a very young age. I'm struggling bad atm and honestly I'm playing my life day by day like a survival game. It's beggining to hurt when I'm thinking and everything's got me feeling so low I begin to think suicide is the only way out. I've been fighting these thoughts for about 2 - 3 years , although struggling with depression for about 7 years ( from 10 years old) . I'm begginging to freak out and have manic episodes, for example, seeing creepy faces and scary stuff when I'm trying to go to sleep, hearing my name being called out when listening to music when there is nobody about and shadows in mirrors and the corner of my eye. I know this stuff isn't real/ there but it is still worrying, I'm wondering if this could be because of me fighting severe anxiety , depression and suicidal thoughts or if this might be something completely different like schitzophrenia in development?
Any advice is much appreciated thanks.
I currently go without medication because when I went in with depression the doctor simply told me 'no pain, no gain' and no medication etc as other doctors don't want to put me on tablets. I don't do counselling as I usually get wound up by the pressure and rebel against their decisions. God I'm so self destructive!