So yesterday was the last session with the counsellor at the suicide prevention centre, by no means was I ready to leave (in a way i actually got worse), but they had a limited amount of sessions for each client because they are always in high demand. She got me a card before i left, and she said she only got them for the special ones
haha. anyways, i didnt read what she wrote till i left, partly because i was crying thoughout the whole session and i couldnt really see anyway, and also i didn't want another reason to start crying again, because i was very very emotional. When i got back to the car i read the card and i forgot the exact wording but the last bit was her saying that she wished that i could believe i mattered.
Because in a lot of the sessions especially the ones near the end, i said that i felt like my feelings didnt matter, and just because i couldn't cope it didn't really matter because when i tried reaching out to my mother, it never really worked out. and at the end she would always just leave me, or tell me to go away , or that there was nothing she could say so it was up to me to manage on my own, or that there's no point in listening to me if i don't listen to her. And my father isnt really one to go to, so i always felt like what i felt or thought didn't really matter, because i just couldn't let things go, or i wouldn't stop crying and it frustrated my mother too much so she couldn't handle it.
I actually forgot what i wanted to say haha. i Hate losing track of my mind. but anyways. ill just make up an new msg. Just wanted to share this with ye's, i feel like what my cousnellor said would benefit alot of ppl (imo), and it made me feel a bit better today when i was crying in my room. Some tear drops got on the card too. Darn. I can't believe she got me a card! YAY!
. She did say that i could always come back if i was struggling again, and that alot of the same people keep coming back cos they weret coping. So she said to give it a few weeks and if i feel like im still not managing then go back and give them a call. which is nice. so ill have somewhere to go back to if im really not managing better.
got in touch with a differen counselling centre that is more ongoing, missed a call from them yesterday and today when i called back the receptionist was very unhelpful when i said i was returning call from ____. He said she wasn't here and told me to call back again tomorrow. Would usually have thought the general procedure is to take a message from the caller and leave it for the person the next time they come in. So that pissed me off. Sometimes i think if people can't do a job properly they shouldn't be working there. But there ye have it. I'm going to learn off what i want t osay in the gorup tomorrow. because ive been getting worse when its my turn to talk and im getting too anxious, and i completely froze last week and couldnt think at all. so hopefully learning off little passages will help. or give me a starter or something
I actually just wanted to share what my counsellor said . and it turned into a rant. sorry ...got upset after a while haha.
is a bit chaotic atm. so thats fun
Still feel like im going crazy some times because my emotions are too intense and all over the place
Anyways thats all for now. just wanted to drop back in and update yes