Is there anything that leads to these thoughts?
Could you talk to someone there about what's going on?
Btw, most mothers would never be happier without their children, no matter how much trouble(etc.) they think they are.
Keep writing here. I know that you can't tell us what suicidal thoughts that you have really, but why are you having them?
Many of us have been there and plagued by such thoughts, so you're not alone.
I think that it depends on what's going on. Is there something that you can get more support with? Something you're afraid of or sad about?
When thoughts just won't let me be, and nothing else can help at that instant in time (f.eks. medicine is taken, psych appt next week..etc.), I might write here. Or call/visit a friend. Or distract myself. Watch a movie, play a game.
That's often short term, but it helps during the "bad days."
Art (painting, photography), Music (playing or listening) and writing (poetry, journaling, stories) help me express feelings..
Or just listening to other people here + trying to help.
Keep writing, ok?