Yeah, I would love to hear more. That is such a unique challenge. I truly hope you have the resources you need. I don't think you should have to feel that much pressure. Although, I know that she is your mother so it is hard not to feel responsible.
About 5 years ago, my mom burned my house down after many years on drugs and she has been incarcerated ever since. She is going up for parole in July which would mean she could be out in August. I live with my mom's cousin and her family. I'm biracial. They are all white. My first year there I was sexually harrased to perform certain acts towards my new "brother" which I refused to do. In consequence, our relationship was strained and there was an heir of awkwardness about. This was all going on while I went to therapy for abuse related reasons in my childhood... While my mother called me to ask how her abusive and destructive relationship was holding up while she was away (She is still in love with our abuser... My stepdad)
Also, in my new family I was forced to go to church for a religion I didn't believe in and live in a house with a pastor. (Did I mention, I'm impartial to gender when it comes to sexuality) Pastors DONT LIKE THAT( at least, this one didn't ) I was put into a christian school and heavily bullied... Then I went to another school and stayed for 1 and a half years. Finally got a girlfriend ... That was going well ... Until we found out that my guardian got a job offer back where we were from.... At this point in time I had moved 6 states away from me and my guardians birth state and there was an opportunity to go back "home"... Which is where all of my trauma happened. We moved.... My life long love/ bestfriend confessed she loved me (good timing 😂 now that I finally have a happy relationship) I told her that I couldn't do that to my girlfriend. Long story short I didn't last a month without a full on breakdown. Ran away with bestfriend who wasn't at the time my girlfriend, swam across a river, got shocked by an electric fence, climed a cliff, Finally was caught, tried to kill myself, was rushed off in an abulance toward the hospital.... Then, hours later, was taken to a inpatient center. Nice break. Didn't help. So they sent me to another one. I hated it so much there that I pretended I had made a miraculous recovery.... They bought it!! My mom called. She cried. She said she wouldn't be able to live without me. I agreed to promise not to KMS.
(Biggest mistake of My life)
Anyway, my Girlfriend said she had actually been doing well without me in the treatment centers. I thought that comment warranted a breakup, wouldn't you say? Started dating bestfriend who a couple days later broke up with me. She wanted to "work on herself" before she got into a relationship. I got back with my girlfriend (Ik, I'm not proud of this but honestly, I'm afraid of being alone) Told bestie that I was back with gf and bestie got angry. She said she thought I loved her.... Blah blah blah. So, ive never said this out loud or admitted it period but I didn't break up with my gf but I started dating my best friend. Yes yes, ik, horrific. Insensitive. Honestly, i never thought I'd be in that position. I mean, two girls loved me. Wow. You've heard the cliche excuses... I didn't want to hurt either of them. It was true, but I also didn't want to risk my bestfriend losing interest and me being stuck helping her navigate her love life without someone of my own. I didn't want to break up with my gf either, I felt pressured because a lot of people knew about us dating and her parents would hate me. No excuse. I know. I'm not an idiot. Eventually I end it with gf because she has gone a little bit cold after our last breakup and I'm conviced that my bestie who turned girlfriend is going to stick around for a while longer. I date her while getting steadily more depressed. My mom was sent to Solitary confinement and I didn't hear from her for a month. (She actually is still in there today) I try out bulimia. I like it. It seems to make me feel better about life. My bestie/gf tells me to tell her everything, so I do, and she tells me to stop hurting myself. I tell her that this is me and she knew that going in. We have a really good couple of phone calls. Lots of laughs. Then yesterday, she calls first thing in the morning and says we need to break up because she doesn't want to feel responsible. She didn't have to add... For my imminent death. Although, I don't understand how that responsibility is any different from the role of gf to best friend. We break up. She needs someone healthier, she says. fine, I get that. I join this forum and BOOM? !!! Here I am. So what do you think? Really, this isn't even half of it. 😂 if you got through all that ... Thanks, a lot.