My daughter hates me.
I have been suicidal for all my life, but carry on with life for my 2 kids. My daughter is now 11 and hates me. I cannot tell her off for a single thing without her flying off the handle and threatening suicide herself. I cannot cope. My son is 2 and I fear he will hate me as much when he is older and wiser to the world and how hopeless and useless person I am.
I have asked for counselling but my husband refuses to pay.
I don't want anti depressants as they have never worked.
I feel my life is over as I only live for my kids and the one hates me and I am sure the other will too. My husband hates me too and says I am wrong.
I fantasise about ending it all but have no means to do it.
I have underlying Christian values (raised) and despite not being a practicing Christian still fear burning in hell.
I want help but have no means (no job, no money) to get counselling myself and I am left with dealing with self hate all day. I get up out of bed because I have to. I have no desire, enjoy nothing, have no friends, no family (other than mentioned above), no hope, no will, no inspiration, no love for myself or my husband, I cannot care, I have animals and wish they will
Die so I don't have to feed and stroke and take them for walks anymore. I don't want to ever answer my phone, door or leave the house. I am ugly, old, fat, mean, sad, lonely and a waste of space.