My child hates me
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My child hates me

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Old 10-07-15, 03:40 PM   #1
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Exclamation My child hates me

My daughter hates me.
I have been suicidal for all my life, but carry on with life for my 2 kids. My daughter is now 11 and hates me. I cannot tell her off for a single thing without her flying off the handle and threatening suicide herself. I cannot cope. My son is 2 and I fear he will hate me as much when he is older and wiser to the world and how hopeless and useless person I am.
I have asked for counselling but my husband refuses to pay.
I don't want anti depressants as they have never worked.
I feel my life is over as I only live for my kids and the one hates me and I am sure the other will too. My husband hates me too and says I am wrong.
I fantasise about ending it all but have no means to do it.
I have underlying Christian values (raised) and despite not being a practicing Christian still fear burning in hell.
I want help but have no means (no job, no money) to get counselling myself and I am left with dealing with self hate all day. I get up out of bed because I have to. I have no desire, enjoy nothing, have no friends, no family (other than mentioned above), no hope, no will, no inspiration, no love for myself or my husband, I cannot care, I have animals and wish they will
Die so I don't have to feed and stroke and take them for walks anymore. I don't want to ever answer my phone, door or leave the house. I am ugly, old, fat, mean, sad, lonely and a waste of space.
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Old 10-07-15, 05:28 PM   #2
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This is horrible. I can't imagine. You sound like a great mom to put their interests first. You're very strong.

I wish I could help and I hope you don't mind me trying to:

1. Hope for the Future - Maybe one day you and your kids will be like three peas in a pod. Hope for that instead of death. I used to tell my mom that I hate her. She also had choice words. I will never do that again. I plan to take full care of her as she ages. Now she's like a best friend. And she knows it.

2. Deep down, I believe your daughter loves you. She's not a sociopath, they're born like that and they're normally charming and charismatic. So she likely loves you.

3. She's being difficult: threatening suicide is an act of aggression. If she threatens suicide again, I would call a crisis team to have her admitted into a psych ward. Let her stay until she can be trusted again to not harm herself. It might not work, I'm not a parent so I can't even begin to relate to how hard of a job that must be. I'm just telling you what I would do.

4. You could maybe also stop telling her off, not saying this is your fault, just maybe try a different approach?

Sorry for what's happening to you.

Last edited by Forest; 01-03-16 at 12:02 PM.
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Old 01-03-16, 11:15 AM   #3
Join Date: Aug 2009
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This sound so awful for you. To be in such a hurtful situation and unable to get counselling. I think its very unfair your husband wont pay for you to get help. Im so upset for you that you dont have any of your own money or any way of getting any. Im glad you have on here to come at least but its not the same but it is something, I see its your first post. I hope you find this forum a really good support.
You dont seem at all like a mean or bad person that you think you are. It worrying that your daughter is displaying suicidal thoughts and feelings at such a young age. I would say you both need help maybe you need help as a family. Is there any other way you could get counselling say through your dr?In the Uk we can sometimes get counselling through the NHS or there are charitable organisations who will do it for free. Its just a sugestion but have you thought about self help books? They offer some very good advice things that a counsellor might say to you and you can re read them as much as possable and get a few different ones. Im sure if you searched on amazon you could maybe find one on how to help you daughter and then ones to help with your self hatred. You could maybe use some left over money from your grocerys shopping the books arent too expensive. They could give you a way forwards anyway.
It sounds like a highly stressfull situation.
I agree with sensualgirl i imagine your daughter doesnt really hate you she just doesnt like being unhappy and is blaming you for it and lashing out cos she is confused and children always blame their parents when they are unhappy. They dont realise till they are older that you are just trying your best for her and all of you. Please try not to be so hard on yourself you sound a strong person that needs a clear way forward. Your husband sounds like he is putting all the blame on you so i can understand why you feel you are getting it from all sides. Its very issolating being a homemaker if you have no life outside the house you have no 'you' time. I hope you one day get the support that you need from outside. But remember that things change. She is young now and people change alot as they get older. And you dont know that your son will grow to have hostility towards you. He might be on your side and be your closest person.
I wish you well i really do
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family issues, help with our child, no hope for future, help me

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