medically retired, manic depressive with suicidal tendencies
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medically retired, manic depressive with suicidal tendencies

This is a discussion on medically retired, manic depressive with suicidal tendencies within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; Just thought I'd check to see if I'm the only one like this out here. I was told in Jan ...

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Old 06-26-06, 12:52 AM   #1
 
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Default medically retired, manic depressive with suicidal tendencies

Just thought I'd check to see if I'm the only one like this out here. I was told in Jan that I had to retire. I've had 7-8 mild strokes each leaving brain damage, 3 heart attacks and one light heart attack. I have lost vision in one eye and the blood vessels in the other are narrowing as well as losing 70-80 % of my hearing. I'm too young to retire, and can't really afford to, so now on to the impossible SS Disability. I'm sorry to trouble anyone, but I'm now rapidly becoming suicidal and psych dept says the can't see me for 2 or 3 months.
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Old 06-26-06, 03:12 AM   #2
 
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you're not the only one up now. don't know if you still are. i wish i could say i sympathize with your situation, but physically i am in okay shape - as in no debilitating medical conditions. your situation makes me wonder if it isn't okay to kill one's self. people like to say, oh, it's okay, we care about you, it'll be alright... total strangers, with no clue into your life... who'd not give worth a damn if they passed over your obituary in the paper. people die everyday... it's natural... and if life has gotten so bad that everyday is an unenjoyable struggle, who's to tell you that you should stay alive? it seems really selfish - why am i staying alive for you when the next day, you won't really care about me again. but, this is coming from someone who is thinking about dying, helping myself to painlessly die... were it not for some cowardice, or that all-too-human hope, which makes me think maybe, maybe, somehow it'll get better. what's better? when you are unhappy, you are unhappy.
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Old 06-26-06, 08:51 AM   #3
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Default don't listen to unhappy24

hi
our situations are so similar. i, too, am medically retired, on ss disability and all alone. i have multiple sclerosis, diabetes, spinal degeneration that makes walking more than a very few steps almost impossible. the m.s. has cause some vision problems as well as cognitive problems. my daughter recently left home on unhappy terms and that has devastated me. i have no car, and only 601 a month to live on. oh yeah, almost forgot, i get 30 dollars a month in food stamps. is that a joke?
for almost a month i was like the walking dead. i had always thought i would never kill myself because of what it would do to her. then it was like i didn't care what it did to her. i knew then i was a danger to myself. i still don't know how i have made it thru the last month. i found this board about a week ago and it has been a great help.
please hang on because with God's help it does get better. maybe not great, but better. we can talk anytime you like. and don't listen to someone who says that no one really cares. i hurt for you because i KNOW from personal experience how badly you feel. and i wouldn't wish my horrible feelings on my worst enemy. you have friends here. Nan
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Old 06-26-06, 03:42 PM   #4
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I haven't removed Unhappy24's post simply because many members may have had, or may be having, similar thoughts. That is "who cares", "why go on", etc. I thought his post would offer a good chance to address some of those questions

Make no mistake, WE care. Everyone at TakeThisLife.com has suffered or is suffering in some way. The people who reach out to you here are not outsiders looking in with no clue about what you're going through. While I don't mean to trivialize the uniqueness of everyone's individual situation, the experiences of our members are likely more similar than they are different. People here have been through what you're going through, or something substantially similar.

While many members find us because they are simply looking for somebody to care, those same members soon find that they are doing the caring. The positive words your fellow members write to you here should not be easily dismissed. We had around 101 members as of the time of this post. For all any one member knows, 100 other members may be thinking about them and hoping, if not praying, that they are feeling better tonight.

This is not just a website. This is a community. Your fellow members are not just Internet users. They are your support system. We are here to help each other, and while we encourage sharing whatever is on your mind, encouraging others to cause harm to themselves or another will not be tolerated.

Unhappy24's words were a reflection of his pain. His message exemplified the hopelessness and isolation that many of our members must surely be feeling.

But TakeThisLife.com is not a place of hopelessness and isolation, but one of hope and sharing.

We welcome everyone to participate in our community, but no posts encouraging harmful behavior will be tolerated.

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PS: A very special thanks to the user who brought this post to my attention.
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Old 06-26-06, 04:05 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unhappy24
why am i staying alive for you when the next day, you won't really care about me again
We don't stay alive for the chance that others might care about us. We stay alive because, as slim a chance as it may seem right now, there ALWAYS exists the possibility that we may come to care about OURSELVES.

The flame of hope is funny. It's like one of those trick birthday candles that can get blown out over and over, yet somehow manage to re-ignite itself. It's not cowardice that keeps those of us who have considered taking our lives alive. It is something inside us that WANTS to live. It is a flame that WON'T go out, WON'T quit on us no matter how many times we think about (or even try) quitting on it, despite all the muck and yuck and other four letter words life may throw at us.

Don't try to smother this flame that wants to live- that fights to live. Embrace it. Embrace life. Try to believe that, maybe not now, maybe it will take a long time to get things sorted out, but that life can and will get better if you will allow your mind to cater to that part of you that WANTS to fight, that WANTS to live.

Other people facing horrible situations have managed to emerge from them and live happy, fulfilling lives. You can do the same. It all starts with wanting to, and beleiving that there is a tiny possibility that you can.

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Old 06-26-06, 08:05 PM   #6
 
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well said
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Old 06-27-06, 10:50 AM   #7
 
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Quote:
your situation makes me wonder if it isn't okay to kill one's self. people like to say, oh, it's okay, we care about you, it'll be alright... total strangers, with no clue into your life... who'd not give worth a damn if they passed over your obituary in the paper.
I think most of us come to a point that we wonder if it's ok. I can't condemn the action because to condemn it would be condemning those I have lost that way. I've felt that way. Most of the time I believe you are probably right, but here I think we are making a difference though. We may not be professionals, but to me it makes it better. These are real people out there that can understand how I feel and not make me feel like a bad person for feeling the way I do. I joined to tell people about my pain, but found myself caring about our members so much. I've made friends here that I didn't think I could make.
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Old 06-27-06, 11:15 AM   #8
 
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heytallwind

an unbearable situation that you describe. i understand why you would be so desperate and unhappy. it stinks. truly. and you certainly aren't bothering anyone. that's why we are here.

suicide isn't the answer, although i can see why it is in your thoughts.

with all of your physical problems, what can you do in your regular daily routine? you seem awfully limited, so that's why i ask.

but, then again, you are here and able to not only get help, but encourage and help others' who need your perspective.

i think that's a good enough reason to live for now. i hope so.
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