I get told that life is a gift, it is beautiful, and that I should be thankful that I get to live.
But then these same people tell me I have it good. I'm sorry, but if being stressed out all of the time, wondering when you will get your next day off, constantly fearing that it will get worse, having so many disadvantages when it comes to your physical appearance (I'm a woman so my appearance unfortunately will affect how good my life is), having low intelligence, having severe depression, severe anxiety, being hated by a lot of people, getting bullied, etc, counts as having it better than most people, then I do not see how life is a gift.
I honestly think anyone who has never had the chance to live (for example they got miscarried and never ended up being born) are the lucky ones. I envy people who died as children. I envy people who died before they were born. I seriously envy all of those people. A lot of people feel sorry for them. I have nothing but jealousy towards them. I want to be those people so badly.
I think that the younger you die, the luckier you are.
I am 19. I wish I died when I was younger than 10, but I haven't. I guess 19 will be the age that I die then.
I'm also not willing to go to a mental hospital, talk to a suicide hotline, or see a therapist or psychiatrist.