I wouldn't say I'm oversensitive, but I think I'm fairly repellent to most people, especially women. So much so, I'm invisible virtually anywhere I go.
Right now, life feels pretty empty. Concrete and colourless would be a good way to describe it.
At 50, my life is basically over anyway, and there's no likelihood I'll ever go on to achieve anything meaningful with my life. I also have health problems that aren't immediately fatal but will shorten my life expectancy.
I do have a few relatives who say they love me, but 99% of the time I never hear from them. Just the annual, token Xmas get-together, and the rest of the time I'm ignored. My sister hates me so much that she moved to another city without telling me or giving me a forwarding address. I discovered what she was up to only through another relative. Speaking of being a 'black sheep', that's how my sister described me at one point. And she happens to be the only surviving immediate family member I have.
I have no friends, close or otherwise (see my comment about being repellent to people for a reason why.)
Another reason why I want to go is I'm sick of this world. It's full of lies, scams, and shit.
Some might miss me, but not for long. I'm generally forgotten as it is, so why would I ever expect them to remember me long after I'm gone?
So I figure, why wait for a natural death? Although in my case, I'm going to wait until the weather improves, and tie up a few loose ends in the meantime. I have the means and a plan at my disposal. I can't wait to go, and the need to wait for a little while before actualizing my plan is going to be hard to get through.
One thing I've never understood is why our world is so inhumane that fucked-up, unwanted, unloved people like me who are unhappy and cannot fix their lives can't be given the means to end their lives properly. Instead, all they get are worthless pills and a lot of talk, talk, talk from useless shrinks.
I tend to get really angry when I hear people say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. They never seem to consider the fact that some problems are insoluble, and that sometimes life isn't worth living.