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This is a discussion on Just want to talk.. within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; I don't have many things I really enjoy anymore...I have a few things that make life a bit better for ...

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Old 04-09-13, 06:11 PM   #411
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I don't have many things I really enjoy anymore...I have a few things that make life a bit better for a time...like meeting friends and such...but my depression always comes back...it always wins.

It always beats me..no matter how hard I fight or how many friends I have around me. It always gets the better of me...

I'm alone in the dark...because I'm too scared that the light will blind me...

I just don't want it to hurt anymore...I just want the pain to go away...I want to be free...but It won't ever happen...I won't ever be happy...
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Old 04-09-13, 11:19 PM   #412
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Twin Tigers - Keep trying, I know it's not always easy, to focus on things that do make you; happier.I think, my opinion only, stepping into the light will make you feel better. Sometimes the darkness becomes too "comfortable" & we tend to "shy away" from the light. I've been there. The light is so full of warmth; like this place.I honestly believe, in time, we all can be happy. No, it's not always as fast as we'd like, but it can be achieved & I hope it happens for you.
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Old 04-10-13, 05:20 PM   #413
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Drank too much.

Feel suicidal.

Too lonely. No one will love me etc. kill myself etc.

Fuck.
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Old 04-11-13, 05:06 PM   #414
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Feeling very on edge tonight. I'm sorry I keep this thread going...I just don't really want to start another thread each time I feel down. I guess this is like suicidal venting for me....

I'm now having to ban myself from watching certain tv shows and movies because I know they will trigger me.

It's getting worse. :'(
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Old 04-11-13, 07:15 PM   #415
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Its ok to keep posting, its good that you do.
Some day its going to get better. Alcohol is a depressant.
I recommended this in another post but here it is again:
www.healthjourneys.com has some mp3s for depression and other things. They are inexpensive and it helps to listen to them - if you can get the one for depression and listen to it you can get your mind onto something else.

hang in there

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Old 04-11-13, 07:22 PM   #416
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I don't want to hang on...I want to let go knowing I've done enough good...I've paid my dues. All I have to pay now is the boatman for the crossing...
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Old 04-11-13, 07:34 PM   #417
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at some level subconsciously you really want to stay, that's why you're here, your looking for answers and I hope that some day soon you find them, in the mean time we will all be here for you
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Old 04-11-13, 07:38 PM   #418
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Unfortunately I'm very much aware how much I'm crying out for attention in threads...more so crying out for affection....

I hope I find answers...all I have at the moment is questions and paranoia...
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Old 04-12-13, 07:49 PM   #419
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I feel so ashamed... :'(

Turns out I spoke about my male issue to my assistant manager when I was drunk...now it's literally all people are talking about at work. I can handle jokes...but then they started asking why I would bring the conversation up...(I was so drunk...) and how I'm just trying to be boastful or something....

I don't want to drink anymore...but at the same time I now want to get blind drunk...although I'll probably just talk more...

Fuck...I'm such a failure as a person...it's so tempting to just start a fight to make sure I get beaten up...then at least I would be safe in hospital for a while...
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Old 04-13-13, 09:41 PM   #420
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So tired...

Of everything...

Tonight wasn't even that bad. And yet I still feel like this. Bah...
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