Twin Tigers - I should have stated, the inner voice that tells you to keep being strong. I apologize and should have stated it that way.
For the eating right & being more fit. We all have our ideal look that we'd love to have. The thing is, to mold and shape our bodies to what we're capiable of & being able to be happy with it. Being happy on the inside is just as important as we view ourselves on the out. For starting out, try not to overwhelm yourself, yet set some (reasonable) goals that you can work on each day. Nothing is done in one day or even a week. Small steps are truly the key to motivating ourselves. Maybe, also, try working on one area of your body and then when that's where you want it move to the next area. Again, small steps and not trying to make so many goals that we fall short of what we truly want to achieve; within.
I don't care for the dark. I enjoy the light. I've been 'kept in the dark' way too much within my own life, so I can relate to what you're saying/feeling. The thing is this; simply put and hope you don't mind. When we allow those dark and unwanted thoughts to consume our lives or within ourselves, we start to be come it. When we keep moving forward and trying to take small steps, then we can eventually start unloading all the darkness and start seeing the light. This place and the people are the light for you in your darkness. Keep talking to us, keep being strong, and we'll keep the light on; always for you dear.