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it just gets worse

This is a discussion on it just gets worse within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; William55 - You can alway come here, we'll never abandon you dear. Just to let you know. You should check ...

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Old 10-13-06, 08:40 AM   #21
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William55 - You can alway come here, we'll never abandon you dear. Just to let you know. You should check into the counseling/therapy thing too. They have a lot of resources to help you; locally dear. Just a thought/suggestion.

May I inquire as to what you like do to? What do you find makes you even a little happy? Do you like to read, write, dance, art, or music? These can also be used as tools to help us get through our struggles. Maybe writing down how you feel would help you? It can also allow us to vent (which you can also do here), & try to start allowing ourselves to heal; from the inside out.

I don't like to share this, makes me uncomfortable, but hey, sounds like it might help you out, which I hope it does. I've been abandoned all my life, I'm older now, it's never easy, but you can get through this. I wont go into great details, but I know where you're coming from, how you feel, why you feel the way you do, & truly understand. Know that you're among people that want to help you through this; as hard as it is.

Let us be that support in your life....

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Old 10-13-06, 09:25 AM   #22
 
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Default Thank you Aries

Aries,
Thank you for your kind and gentle words. I am truely lost and at the limit of what I can tolerate without going completely over the edge. I used to have many interests but none are even remotely of concern to me.
I am going minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day just trying to maintain under this sufficating cloud of loneliness and despair.
I ache inside Aries. I truely do.
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Old 10-13-06, 11:51 AM   #23
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William55 - I think sometimes that's the best dear. Taking a day a time, small steps at a time. I know you're hurting so deeply inside dear. I truly wish I could find the words that would at least give you some comfort, to understand how much we care, & that this place does help; even the worst of times. (((hugs))) I know I hear your heart's breaking, but lets try to pick up the pieces, a day at a time; small steps at a time....

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Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. ~ Bruce Lee

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Old 10-14-06, 08:15 AM   #24
 
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Aries, blackcat,

A prerequisite to this site is to always maintain contact until you can provide assurance that you are okay. It's only fair to those who care.
First, you both are wonderful people. Your genuine concern for others is heartfelt and encouraging.
I have never had the slightest curiosity or particular concern for those for whom I now mingle with in this dark and bleak world. It is comforting to know that there are people who, despite there own pain, take time out to console others.
If not for my daughter, I would have likely ended my life a month ago. And as you both know, those thoughts are pervasive today but I struggle against the lure of peace so that my last thoughts are not of my daughters
inherited pain and lonliness. I cannot justify transferring what I feel to her.
This is not going to be easy. I am going to have to reapply my way of thinking in order to cope with my loneliness.
I used to step outside and soak in the day. Now, even a sunny and cool morning seems to remind me that I am alone. As winter approaches and the shadows grow long I feel a shiver and grieve for her closeness.
Tho I am a grown man of 51, I feel like an abandoned child, helpless and scared. Where has my fearlessness gone? Where is my laughter?
Yes, I count my blessings and know that far greater tragedies could have occured at anytime in my life. And they do...to other people who are noble
or otherwise. They just happen without explanation.
I can make it an occupation to miss her or endeavor to find peace within me. I know how to love her but I don't know how to love me.
I don't like this dark forest and the demons that occupy it. Funny to think that it is my own creation. I hope that I can create a path that leads out.
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Old 10-14-06, 09:21 AM   #25
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William55 - Have you ever thought of writing poetry? Reason, it would be a good release; for negative thoughts. You truly do have a way with your words & I was thinking that it might help you try to start healing dear. I really enjoyed it when you said, "I hope that I can create a path that leads out." Let us be the ones that try to give you some light; while we travel that path....together dear...


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Old 10-14-06, 10:30 AM   #26
 
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Aries,

As a matter of fact I do write poetry. Allow me to share a poem I wrote several years ago that I recently found.

THE BETROTHED


Passing by a pretty lass
an elf deformed and grey
ignored his shyness and gave salutation
but she laughed and turned away

Saddened by the maiden's coldness
the elf began to cry
"Twas not for my tiny stature" he sobbed
"I'm sure I would catch your eye."

To that, the beauty laughed most cruelly
"My little man" she said
"To secure the love of yours most truely
bequeth your gold when dead."

For which the elf morosely sighed
" Your heart is truely cold
but do not disparage your request to brash
for you shall surely have my gold."

Twas late at night the elf did die
and clutched in his tiny hand
a leather satchel brimmed with gold
the purest in the land.

Just moments later the maiden ventured
into his home to see
if causing death by a broken heart
was within her ability.

Bending down to touch his mouth
she concluded there was no breath
"Oh the fool" she whispered softly
"he awaits my love in death"

Reaching over to grab his gold
she slipped and hit her head
sever enough, that she soon expired
as she laid on his tiny bed.
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Old 10-14-06, 10:33 AM   #27
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Hey, that was good! You should also put it in the Depression Poetry Forum, so others can read it! :shock: I love it! 8) Keep going!

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Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. ~ Bruce Lee

That which does not kill us makes us stronger. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche
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Old 10-14-06, 10:36 AM   #28
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Wow, you're good....
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