It's not worth it
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It's not worth it

This is a discussion on It's not worth it within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; I'm tired of my moods going up and down like a roller coaster. One day I'm fine, the next day ...

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Old 02-03-13, 07:19 PM   #1
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I'm tired of my moods going up and down like a roller coaster. One day I'm fine, the next day I want to die. My therapy, the day program, it all seems like a waste of time. I'll always be that weird quiet lazy guy. No point in living if I know how the rest of the story plays out right? I mean I'm still the same socially awkward quiet kid I was 4 -6 years ago in high school.

On the surface maybe I feel better about myself, but the internal thoughts, the core, that hasn't changed. I really don't get why I'm alive lately, it all seems like a waste of time. I mean sure, it would suck to die, but I don't see how these stupid mood swings coupled with all the other crap like social anxiety and lack of social skills when I'm 22 years old is really helping. Sorry for any typos, I've been drinking...
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Last edited by Cushi; 02-04-13 at 08:46 AM.
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Old 02-04-13, 04:11 AM   #2
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The point to remember is that you don't know how the rest of your story will play out. You can't possibly know that and nor can the rest of us. Progress may be slow but then you're not unravelling trivial issues here, you're unravelling deeply ingrained issues. You can't expect fix 20 years of problems in three or four. It's a learning curve and the progress is gradual. I'm not saying that it will take 20yrs to get anywhere, I'm saying that you will hopefully get stronger as you go.

Putting aside what you do towards your recovery, you can never predict what life will do. That is the unpredictable element that can yield as much opportunity as it does hardship and often more of the former. There are endless things that could happen in your life to send you down a whole new path. The more you are open to possibilities, hopefully as your therapy progresses, the more you will see those opportunities when they do come.

You can't forecast the rest of your life based on now and before. There are too many variables. You will change as you age, we all do. That in itself can bring about a lot of new things.
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Old 02-04-13, 11:58 AM   #3
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Man. Any other day and I would reply with something positive. Really I'm feeling the exact same way. Even if I'm not feeling exactly as bad as I did before, the true problem remains which is that I'm still me, the core characteristics of myself which just get in the way of any real happiness, they're just always going to be there. Honestly, I can't help but look at the future and its fucking bleak. Really I don't have anything to look forward to, and I'm done with bowing and scraping for people who never gave a shit anyway.
Sorry about this rant on your thread, probably not what you wanted to read.
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Old 02-06-13, 11:13 PM   #4
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Right now I haven't got 3-4 years to fix anything. I don't feel better, even after decades of help, self-help, medication, etc. I'm just fed up with trying and waiting for things to improve. I don't want to try and figure out what's going on with me, or try and understand what the therapist really means.

I realize I'm angry, but I'm not interested in trying to be pretend anything else. I don't expect solution here, but I don't have any place else to talk, and I doubt it will matter who i talk with .

Help Lines are not very helpful. The volunteers are well meaning. They want to know how they can help me. If I knew that, I probably wouldn't be calling. We talk, I'm left with no options, I say thank you, I hang up.

It's easy to understand why some people prefer death - nothing else exists.
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