i'm so tired. i'm so depressed. i think about killing myself everyday. i know exactly how to do it and how to succeed at it.. i feel like doing it right now... but i know one day i'll have no choice but to kill myself. i feel like its my destiny. i have never really felt loved or wanted by anyone. it seems like the older i get the hard it gets to deal with. i just feel so alone all the time.

Please feel better, my friend. Try to separate yourself from these thoughts that haunt you. Thinking about the action, the means, and the end all make things worse. Having things fall into place, so to speak, are a recipe for disaster. One thing you may not consider is what it will do to all the people in your life to see you gone, You may not feel that there are people who love you, but there are. Everyone, literally EVERYONE, has someone who loves them.

One thing that shook me up was a little video or audio clip that talked about people who thought they had the perfect means to end their life but failed. There is no such thing as a sure success.

Find something you like to do in life and attach yourself to that, just enjoy the life you had and take all the experiences in - both the good and the bad.

I'll be thinking of you.

Dear JZO,
you said one day you feel you will not have a choice--like it is your destiny. That is the only part of your note that I will disagree with. You may feel a very strong urge to kill yourself--but it will always be a choice. It is a choice of suicide over whatever we believe life will have in store. Telling yourself you don't have a choice may help you somehow feel not responsible for it. But depression or no--we do have a choice to stay in this living world or leave it. Even if staying here seems unbearable.


I know what it is like to feel so lonely. I know what it is like to want to die. I believe you that it seems nobody loves you and, since I don't know you, I believe it is possible you don't have enough support from others in your life. Or maybe you do but you don't see or believe it or it just isn't enough for you.

I'm not going to be one of those people who says "Don't Do it". And I"m not one of those people who says go ahead--as, even though I've wanted to kill myself, I can't imagine telling anyone else to do it--and I'm not sure why that is. Maybe it's always easier to hold out hope for someone else than ourselves.

And, frankly, I hate the cliche that "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". I have suffered from depression on and off for 10 years and I have no tangible reason to hope that it will get better in the future. It is not a temporary problem for many people.

I understand you are in deep pain, and I wish there were something I could say to help you.

The only thing I can say is that you are not alone in this world. At the very least there are many of us out here struggling with the same choice you are struggling with.

I hope for you that there is something you are not seeing today, some possibility, some change, that can make you decide to hold on and see if you can change your own destiny.

My thoughts are with you and I will hold out hope for you.

zoela

i feel like a robot with feelings...

the only thing that makes me feel better is crying. and on rare occasion sometimes music.

when i get angry, i direct that anger towards myself by hitting myself in the head as hard as i possibly can.. i'll hit one side then the other. i don't know why but it makes me feel better for a moment.

i did exactly that. then i wasn't depressed for a while. now even when i get depressed again i don't. some part of me says no, it won't help. so as much as i want to, i just don't.

i really can't deal with shit anymore. i just hit myself again along with burning myself with matches. its the smallest things that set me off. like i'm trying to give myself a hair cut and the fucking chippers aren't working properly and it just pisses me off!! FUCK!!!

*clippers*

yes. i've been exactly there. and i want to offer you solidarity and strength in pushing through these things