I wonder why I'm still living.
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I wonder why I'm still living.

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Old 02-04-19, 08:20 PM   #1
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Post I wonder why I'm still living.

I've been alone for since I can remember. it seems I've always had problems with human interactions. I've never had any friends, got bullied in school and beat up & yelled at by my parents regularly. I don't see why I keep on doing this. there's nothing for me here. everyone feels corrupt, shallow and boring. I can't understand anyone. Life feels like playing a really bad game, and I can't seem to find anything to satiate my need for... something. I can't seem to get a sense of satisfaction, of completion. it's like I got broken and left to pick all the parts up together, but there's still one missing. the fact I have no social interactions makes me out of touch with reality. I constantly question myself, and doubt myself "what's the reason for being born if I'm so flawed?". but flaws are inevitable. so, life in itself has to blame. I look at myself and judge others, only then to understand that I am worse in many ways. It keeps me up at night, prevents me from sleeping. I thought about committing suicide once, and realized I am afraid. I took that as a hint I still want to live. but unless I am standing over the edge, there's nothing to prevent me from jumping. and even then, the fear is vague and instinctive, like fear from needles or generally getting hurt. "why am I still here?" I keep asking myself. not wanting to do anything or work anywhere. sometimes I feel that maybe I'm just lazy. but I know it's more than that. it's something else. I shouldn't be posting this, I think. but I felt bad and confused, so I had to. I'll get professional help when I feel the need to.
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Old 02-05-19, 04:01 AM   #2
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Old 02-05-19, 12:56 PM   #3
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Default You have what it takes.

"I thought about committing suicide once, and realized I am afraid. I took that as a hint I still want to live." I've been there once and came to the same conclusion. The way you feel is normal given what took place in your life and how you are still affected by it.

Broken is the default human condition but it is not our destiny. The unease you feel is a deep and powerful rejection of your internal narrative. your true self will not tolerate being viewed as broken by you and it can punish you until death looks good.

I don't know if you are spiritual or not but religion is not to be dismissed. What you are facing is biblical in proportion. You are staring the devil in the face right now and yet you still choose life. You are strong. Unbelievably strong.

I don't recommend this video lightly. I listened to it nearly every day for over 6 months.
Lookup this video onyoutube: THE 13 TRUTHS - JORDAN PETERSON - INCREDIBLE SPEECH -
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Old 02-05-19, 04:10 PM   #4
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OK..this is that video...i know Peterson from his podcasts...not a big fan of him,but he talks sense ...

https://youtu.be/VYJp813tGH4
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