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I want to disappear

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Old 06-09-19, 09:31 PM   #1
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Default I want to disappear

I am feeling really scared. All weekend I was dealing with extreme self hatred and low self worth. It has gotten so bad today that I am having urges to self harm and have suicidal ideations. Things have pushed me over the edge today. I can't do this anymore. I am 31, and all my life I was rejected, never had much of a social life or friends, never had a gf. I am tired of feeling so isolated, alone, unwanted, worthless, like a piece of shit. I feel so inferior, so small, and insignificant, and it has gotten to the point where I don't want to do this anymore. Every single day the self hatred. I'm tired of feeling worthless, unloved and not cared about. I just want to disappear, everyone hates me, I hate myself, I don't want to be here anymore.
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Old 06-09-19, 09:42 PM   #2
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Lojo,

I am sorry you are feeling this way tonight. I wish I had a magic stick that made the bad parts of life go away.

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Old 06-11-19, 05:35 PM   #3
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Thanks. I am on meds and go to therapy twice a week. And I am still unstable, I am still a basket case. Been doing this for over ten years. It is hopeless. I am beyond help.
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Old 06-12-19, 11:22 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lojo View Post
Thanks. I am on meds and go to therapy twice a week. And I am still unstable, I am still a basket case. Been doing this for over ten years. It is hopeless. I am beyond help.
Are you beyond help? I know it feels like it sometimes ...

If you are lost in an ocean, dark and cold, is there something you can hold onto? If you can’t see the shore, is there at least a star or the moon to help you know where you are?

In the movie Castaway, there is a scene when he talks about how lost he was, and then one day, the waves carried in something he could use as a sail.

Today is dark, like many days. But we hold on hoping for the day something comes along.

I used to have a friend who wouldn’t go to bed until she listed three good things that happened that day in her journal. I thought she was a bit over the top. Until the day she told me that sometimes the only good thing she had to write in her journal was that the sun came up that day. Sometimes it was that a total stranger said “hello.”

She was holding on to life by her fingernails. She taught me that no day is all bad.
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Old 06-13-19, 01:59 AM   #5
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She wasn't a slave being beaten, she wasn't burning in hell for all eternity, hopefully she had her eyesight...we all have things to be grateful for.
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Old 06-13-19, 02:17 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lojo View Post
I am feeling really scared. All weekend I was dealing with extreme self hatred and low self worth. It has gotten so bad today that I am having urges to self harm and have suicidal ideations. Things have pushed me over the edge today. I can't do this anymore. I am 31, and all my life I was rejected, never had much of a social life or friends, never had a gf. I am tired of feeling so isolated, alone, unwanted, worthless, like a piece of shit. I feel so inferior, so small, and insignificant, and it has gotten to the point where I don't want to do this anymore. Every single day the self hatred. I'm tired of feeling worthless, unloved and not cared about. I just want to disappear, everyone hates me, I hate myself, I don't want to be here anymore.
NO,don't feel like a piece of shit or rejected==we are here to listen to you...and we appreciate the fact that despite feeling inferior,small,insignificant...we say...you're not...we all love you for being openheartedly honest..
take care,friend...things will get better for you......
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Old 06-19-19, 12:10 AM   #7
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Thanks everyone.
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Old 06-19-19, 12:10 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SensualGirl View Post
She wasn't a slave being beaten, she wasn't burning in hell for all eternity, hopefully she had her eyesight...we all have things to be grateful for.
I like it! :)
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