Hi guys, new member.
Been pretty down the past couple of years, been drinking heavily and have lost several jobs (some not my fault, some almost deliberately). Lost my licence, got sober, didn't see the point because i rarely see my friends and working sober is even more miserable than working drunk (restaurants are garbage).
Got a new job a few days ago, brunch guy walked out in the middle of the shift and i had to finish it myself despite having very little knowledge of the menu.
I'm pretty much certain the next few years will be miserable, planned on going back to school but that's just more debt to deal with and no guarantee of a satisfying job at the end of it.
I don't really want to live sober, its just family and peer pressure to stop drinking again even though i see no point to being sober (the bills still pile up, still no girl and my hobbies are no longer interesting).
I'm tired of this shit. Been to therapy a couple dozen times, tried anti depressants, tried new hobbies and to no avail. I figure dying now saves me years of agony via liver and kidney failure (already halfway there anyway, and I shit blood more often than not). I rarely sleep, hardly want to eat unless i smoke weed, and normal activities just bore or agitate me.