Bear with me as this can be long
I am a Portuguese living in Madrid, Spain right now.
Moved here 1y ago, hoping for a new opportunity and it turned out to be the worst decision of my life. I hate it here, and can't go back because i'm making pretty good money.
Got no friends aside from ONE really cool guy I met by chance a year ago but we don't see each other much for this or that reason. Although I had some hits on Tinder, it's been downhill ever since. And this is a city where everybody says it's easier to get laid than make friends, from both sides.
I am vegan and here it's all about socializing and sharing ham and other shitty disgusting dishes. You mention you don't eat animal products, automatic shunning. Bear in mind I have never imposed my views on anyone nor will I pester people with criticism about the issues.
I was sober for 16 years until I got here. Found no other way to socialize or try to get it on with the ladies if not by drinking. Same practical results and it's probably the thing that eats me the most, having went back to booze. I never liked beer, i totally hate wine - another forbidden comment while talking up a lady, I've learned.
I work at a toxic environment where I'm unwanted and unappreciated simply because of petty grievances deriving from my nationality. My coworkers even complained to my manager they didn't like me speaking in Portuguese - to myself - because they couldn't tell if i was insulting them. I speak perfect Spanish, btw.
Went to see a therapist and first impression was "maybe you need to change jobs". Well, no shit! i've been at the same company for almost 12 years and stuck here like cancer because - yup, money. Been trying to change jobs since forever and no dice, in order to make a living and help my mom. She is a cancer survivor and has to work while battling chronic spine issues for which she has a 60% medical disability; can't go into earlier retirement because - yup, money.
I'm 37 years old, I am quite attractive though short (5'7") - a big handicap here, average girls are 5'9" and over - got an MBA, speak 5 languages , great cook, a REAL animal lover, handyman, clean and neat, resourceful. All I hear is how I am "sweet , a great guy/the best catch, their loss
" etc etc. A girl here actually told me to be an asshole if all i want to to have sex. I can't even do that...
I had planned to have bailed this country and job last month but alas I felt shitty about disappointing the boss that moved the earth to get me here when nobody else wanted - spanish arrogance at their best - so I stayed. Tried to endure, moved into a new apartment, sharing with a vegan girl, thought it'd be a fresh new start. It has gotten wose.
I have considered ending it all for quite some time now. I have already set up a funeral insurance so my parents won't have to worry about it, I have 30k in savings for them as well.
Was thinking of travelling the world, but then i'll return broke, at least they'll have smth to help out. I've just held back because I have no idea what to do with my cats, and leaving them with my parents is not an option because reasons.