I have lost the will to want to live
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I have lost the will to want to live

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Old 04-23-18, 04:16 PM   #1
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Default I have lost the will to want to live

I have been depressed for a very long time. I have contemplated suicide off & on for years. I have no real friends & my family is not close to me. Im tired of people enveying me. I'm lonely struggling & extremely sad. I want my family to be able to pay for my funeral but a year ago I made decision to tell my mom to take out an insurance policy on me for my funeral & she tried to have me put away. So this time I won't say a thing. People always use me & take me for granted. I'm tired of struggling being attacked by those closest to me. My father hates me. He watches me struggle & Everytime he needed me I was there for him. He just used me like so many others have. My mom envies me my family doesn't like me. I have no truu friends only my friends on social media &many of them I dont personally know but I'm thankful we came across each other's path. I probably wouldn't be here now without meeting them online. I have lost the will to want to live. My heart is Broken & My spirit is heavy. I am tired & drained physically emotionally mentally & spiritually. I don't have 1 person I feel I can talk to and trust. Not 1 person ta nurture me. I just can't go on. So much has been taken away from me in this life. I have lived a painful life since I was 4 years old. I'm just tired now. I sleep long hours sometimes because I'm exhausted on so many levels & I have been stressed out for a very long time. My depression & having no one there for me have prevented me from being able to pursue my dreams. As a result I really don't have the full desire to pursue them now. I will no longer be alone I will be reunited with my loved ones. The only family I really truly have is in the spiritual realms anyway.
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Old 04-23-18, 04:40 PM   #2
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Depression rules out a better feeling in life...but suicide is no way out or an answer,if one feels used then it gives a feeling that life can be pointless because of lack of respect,i believe being tired is very often a symptom of being depressed,feeling useless etc...in life there is pleasure,suffering,pain and joy..you say==you have not one person to talk to??==you got a whole forum to talk to here now,
so tell us how you feel,lots of people will listen and give you that boost up to continue in life..welcome to this forum anyhow..
we are all listening..life is more then feeling gloomy...
**Clouds come floating in my life,no longer to carry rain or usher storm,but to add colour to my sunset sky**
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Old 04-23-18, 04:41 PM   #3
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Do you believe in hell? I believe hell is other people. I would avoid your family and try to enjoy solitude. I think people overall are bound to disappoint you. But you can be happy alone. I think sleeping all day is letting them win. They're going out to dinner and a movie while you sleep? I think you should pursue your dreams on the side and be a realist, just get a job you can tolerate, move out and start living life on your own terms. It's simple, but not easy. But you're worth it. Life rewards action.
High hopes faint on a warm hearth stone; she travels the fastest who travels alone.

Last edited by SensualGirl; 04-23-18 at 04:45 PM.
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