I'm happy to listen. I understand it's a real and legitimate feeling for you. I just don't like the term. I know the feeling, believe me, of being overwhelmed by sadness--it's paralyzing. I usually just watch t.v.--it wont solve anything but it does take your mind off of things a bit. Is there someone you can call?

My therapist always tells me to call her,..I just don't want to bother her, and now it's late. (It's an hour later here.) We just go over the same thing again and again. That it's the chemicals in my brain, and I should try an anti-psychotic. I'm not a big fan of meds....I may have no choice at this point. I spend literally hour after hour painting,..I almost never turn my tv on. I can't concentrate on anything. I haven't watched a movie in months,..I can't even follow,...my mind just wont allow me to relax. I find painting to be the only thing that calms me down. I'm also a musician,..I play gigs when I'm not working during the week or painting. I leave myself almost no down time,...except now,..on a sunday night...I have to get up for work at 5:30 am. I keep myself so busy,.yet still,..the thoughts keep coming back into my head.
Is life suppose to be this hard?..or am I doing this to myself?.....I'm not going to be able to sleep for a while......

If your really on the edge, don't feel guilty about calling her.
I'm not a big fan of meds, they never helped me, but they do help some people alot. There are some natural "meds" like St. Johns Wort, which I tried and it did seem to have some effect--I think it depends on the person--it has a milder effect than drugs--it's primarily for depression. It sounds weird but I take quality Salmon oil pills because it raises the seratonin level in the brain--seratonin is responsible for the proper firing of the synapses in your brain, esp. between the two hemispheres and will increase your ability to concentrate and elevate your mood. Studies have been done to prove that low seratonin levels often exist in a depressed mind and raising them helps with depression; that's what some traditional meds do, but they can have side effects for some that are undesirable.
A lack of focus is very common with depression, as well as mood swings.
I don't know if you are depressed or if it is something else, but I hope some of this helps.

Life is never perfect and harder for some than others, but you can make it harder for yourself.
It sounds goofy, but honestly, warm milk and some carbs, like toast can help you sleep. When there is food in your stomach, the blood goes from your brain to your stomach to aid digestion, thus calming your mind.

Thank you for your understanding, and all your advice. It makes a lot of sense. Something that is sorely missing in me sometimes.....and yes,..it is depression,...clinical depression is my diagnosis,...you are absolutely right, my concentration is effected because of this. I think they say I have depression with phsychotic episodes.......I just want to cease to exist.....
I am feeling a little better now,..thank you for spending time with me tonight tiggrr. I am so very sad right now,..but I am not going to hurt myself. I am going to go to sleep soon,..hoping for a better day tomorrow,..it's all I can hope for now.

I'm glad to hear you feel better. Get some rest, tomorrow's a new day, a new chance to make it better.

I wish you sweet dreams tonight, tiggrr,... till we speak again......
Thank you,
Jupiter

I finally made the decision to go on an anti-psychotic. I work in the medical field, so I was able to get a script filled today. I knew how bad I was this weekend because for the first time, I was thinking of using a gun.. I have never, ever thought about that before,...I just couldn't get it out of my head. I'm just not myself,..I just need my mind to be quiet,..for just a little bit. I am not thinking clearly,..I know I'm not,..but I'm trying. I try to help people when I can.,..I seem to be able to give advice,..and I really am sincere,..I just can't seem to help myself.
I am painting now. I am in between. Can you believe I am wide awake and tired at the same time,..how weird is that??
I will be calling my therapist later,..I need to speak with her. I will start this new med tonight,..at bedtime..it's called Abilify. Anyone ever heard of it?
Thanks Tiggrr for all your help...

You are so very welcome, Jupiter. I'm proud of you for taking this proactive step. Even if these meds don't work out you've started on something positive; and maybe the first time's the charm. It's very positive and telling that you have the ability to recognize your own state of mind, it's a good step toward controlling your mind/feelings and not being puppeteered by them.
It's always the way that we are our own worst patients. I can't take my own advice either. It's like not being able to see the forest through the trees--or being in a fog or something. It's like we carrot and stick ourselves, you know what's there but you just can't reach it.

wide awake and tired; sounds like excited fatigue. Mental stimulation with physical exhaustion, but as long as you feel good.

I'm sorry I'm not familiar with that med.

Congratulations! :shock:

What I hate is coming into work on Monday and saying I did nothing. It's very lonely for me at the moment. I am down but am fighting. I know how you feel and good luck.

Thanks Danny, I have had many, many Mondays like that,..and NO MORE,....I can't go on like that anymore,...I couldn't keep doing nothing. I am not a great advocate of meds, so believe me,..this was not an easy decision for me, at all,..I thought about it for a long time. I am sure, though, that I would have died if I had not gone on this med.....absolutely,..and it' still a struggle. I hope I have the wisdom to continue to do what is right for me,......You need to do what is right for you also,..and there are people that will support you, here.....