I failed at life, and as a human being.
Take This Life  

Go Back   Take This Life > Challenges > Suicide Forums > Suicide


I failed at life, and as a human being.

This is a discussion on I failed at life, and as a human being. within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; I feel I failed as a member of society and as a human being. I have been out of work ...

join us
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-17-18, 09:10 PM   #1
Member
 
Lojo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 267
Default I failed at life, and as a human being.

I feel I failed as a member of society and as a human being. I have been out of work for so long and now that I am not responding to therapy or medication, I donít know when if ever I will be able to function. I am more symptomatic and unstable as I have ever been, it is quite scary. All of my symptoms get worse when I am out in the world and around people. I spend majority of my time in my room and house and donít leave much. I never have anywhere to go or anyone to see. I am so far gone that I donít know if I will ever be able to reintegrate myself back into society. I can only hope I can find the right treatment by keep on trying with medications and therapy.

I never had a social life either. Severe social anxiety and low self-esteem always made it very hard for me to be social. I have a lot of self-hatred. Iíve been isolated for the last ten years of my life. I donít know how to make friends, how to talk to people, how to approach people, social cuesÖnothing. I was raised by my mother and older sister and my father was never around, nor did I ever have any male role models, father figures. I feel I missed out on male camaraderie, I was never one of the guys, do things with other men or spend time with them. I wish I could have had a male figure growing up to teach me things, anything, instead of having no direction and a very turbulent adolescence. I never been in a relationship with a woman before, donít know what that is or what itís like. So I feel I failed as a man as well, to say the least.

But more than anything I feel I failed at life in general. That at this point I am beyond help or hope, that things cannot change from here or get any better, but worse. I feel worthless, useless, insignificant, like I donít matter and it doesnít make any difference if I am here or not. Like it is survival of the fittest and since I failed at absolutely everything, that I should be weeded out of existence, just disappear, because I donít matter and am just a waste, my life was a waste. There is no point anymore to keep on going.
Lojo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-18, 02:13 AM   #2
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,090
My Mood:
Default

Lojo,sorry youíre feeling this way. I can relate to a lot of what you said here. Hoping you can turn things around for yourself. Take Care
TooMuch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-18, 06:19 AM   #3
Junior Member
 
Convict's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: In a Whale Butt
Posts: 114
My Mood:
Default

Wow you sure did get the bitter end of the stick hey. If i may, how old are you now?

Recently i have also been staying inside the house the whole time, not going out besides for work basically. I even stay away from the store.

I am sorry to hear that your medication and therapy is not working for you. Have you tried something different for therapy, like yoga or jogging or swing or something you have not tried before?
Convict is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-18, 02:50 PM   #4
New Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 11
Default

What the F do I know....I live out of my car, trying to avoid people so I think I know a bit how you feel. I hope you can find some place of safety, even if it is spending all day at home.
Tonymcc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-18, 06:58 PM   #5
TTL Bronze Member
 
SensualGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 6,607
My Mood:
Default

I think you're just paranoid. People are not all out to get each other. We're not predators. People are mostly decent and nice.

We are all well wishers on the shores. You don't have to go out of your way to interact with people if it's triggering.

Just send a message in a bottle.

You have so much to be grateful for. I don't have any income coming in at the moment, because I wasn't able to get on the dole. You have dole money.
__________________
High hopes faint on a warm hearth stone; she travels the fastest who travels alone.
SensualGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-21-18, 04:56 PM   #6
TTL Bronze Member
 
SensualGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 6,607
My Mood:
Default

I recant that statement. I think we are predators.

You just need four things in life: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins.
__________________
High hopes faint on a warm hearth stone; she travels the fastest who travels alone.
SensualGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-24-18, 01:04 AM   #7
Member
 
Lojo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 267
Default

Thanks for the replies everyone. I just feel that I am too far gone. I am living with such limitations these days. I have almost no social skills and when I am around people I feel terrified, too scared to talk to people, look at people, approach people, or just be around them, don't know what to say or how to act. Being isolated for so long it is the norm for me, and being around people is incredibly difficult and painful. This is the reason why I don't leave my room much or go out. The most I can do is emails, texts, messages, phone calls, and video calls. But face to face in person, especially in groups freaks me out. No social life whatsoever, and spend a concerning amount of time by myself, but I feel worse when I am around people.....so kind of stuck.

I feel I lost a huge part of myself comparing to two years ago. With my mental decline, I feel I am not as intelligent as I was before, that I am not in shape looking well and healthy, and that I have never been this ill, unstable, and troubled as I am now. I don't see a way out of this. I don't see how things will get better or change. I don't think I will get my intelligence back as I have lots of cognition problems. I feel too sick to do anything about my body image, and certain aspects I am afraid will not change. Do I have to accept things the way they are now, and expect that it will be like this from now on, or worse...because that is quite a miserable way to live. I can't sustain living like this indefinitely or for things to get worse. Which makes me think it is not worth it to try anymore or to go on. I can only hope that by keeping on trying I will find the right treatment, as well as lifestyle changes and things that work for me.
Lojo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-24-18, 08:50 AM   #8
TTL Bronze Member
 
SensualGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 6,607
My Mood:
Default

What do you think is gonna happen if you talk to people? That they'll insult you? Would that bother you that much?

Focus on temperance, not body image. That's just vain glory.
__________________
High hopes faint on a warm hearth stone; she travels the fastest who travels alone.
SensualGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-13-18, 11:05 PM   #9
New Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4
My Mood:
Default

I feel you . I already discussed where i come from on this forum and i can relate to many things you just shared.

My father worked his ass all his life so that we can have a roof and eat. He succeeded at providing us for years. All the time he came home he was either angry and drunk, sometimes both which make it even harder trying to have a connection. Now hes better, he stopped drinking and started to listening to people but i feel it too late to develop a solid father and son relationship.

The best advice and comments that i had in life came surprisingly from my bosses even the assholes ones.

One told me to stop taking things too personal. I know it was some way to tell me to let go some nasty stuff that happened but it surprisingly hit me. Right after i started to look at things differently.

Then i was feuding with another on the same job and he shouted at me "STOP THINKING THAT YOU'RE THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE, NOT EVERYTHING REVOLVE AROUND YOU !!!!" I was in denial for a moment but after rethinking what he just said, he was right.

That when i have an epiphany. I realized that by thinking that everything revolved around me and by taking things too personally just kept on adding so much pressure every time i came across someone. I just kept thinking of every bad things that can occurs will happen and that when it happen i will take it too personal and start to overreact. That i always thought of being attacked by everyone around me.

That how i was ever since i was in grade school. I cried so much for nothing in my life that it no surprise to me that it might be one of the reason that i'm going blind faster than anyone.

After that i was able to take the hit from almost every encounter i came across. I was no longer shy. I was able to express myself even when i thought i feel like an idiot. I started asking questions that i was afraid to ask. Approach people with more difficult topic.I was able to take on more daring task at work. Taking jokes much more less personal. It like i lost a huge amount of pressure on my shoulder. I started to feel good about myself. I was finally able to move on.

Just don't be afraid man. The world doesn't revolve on one, we're all just part of it. Not everyone is a predator ready to attack you personally. If someone come to attack you personally,don't take it too personal and you will be able to strike back. Don't be afraid to fail, we all need to fail sometimes. It is in failing to we learn to be better. If life hit hard ,you just get up and keep on going. That how you learn to overcome every obstacle in life.

That pretty much how i keep on going and prevent me of quitting. Don't give up !!!

Last edited by Quissi; 08-13-18 at 11:09 PM.
Quissi is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:48 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Shoutbox provided by vBShout v6.2.1 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 

Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.3.2