i lost the one person i've ever loved and i still cant get them out of my head. my family kicked me out cause im crazy, i couldnt remember any of them. all my friends left me cause they say im crazy. i havent talked to anyone in about 6 months. i havent ate in so long. i have scars all over me that will never go away. I cant remember how to act. the walls are still moving and breathing. the other person wont stop hurting me. i have an urge that i cant say even on here cause its messed up. why wont he stop. i dont even know what i look like. i cant do this anymore. i gave up on life a long time ago ive been waiting for the right moment to do it. my life is ruined. i used to be normal i think i cant remember. everything i try and do gets messed up. i just want it to stop. ive never talked to anyone about my feelings before. ive tried to die twice but it only got me in hospital. i dont know what to do. sorry

Hey, I’m sorry to hear that you’re in such a bad place right now

Have you been able to find a place to stay since your family has kicked you out?

You mentioned “the other person wont stop hurting me”, do you mind if I ask who this is? It may be difficult to get out of a bad situation, I know first hand that when everything is going wrong it can be hard to see a way to a better future. Maybe it would be helpful to make a list of what’s wrong, and then create a plan for each thing, or even just create a plan for the easiest/most important thing on the list to deal with. You might not be able to tackle everything, but I find that trying to tackle one thing at a time can help.

From your post I think I see the following problems at the moment:

• The person who is hurting you

• Food

• Housing

• Communication with others

• Scars

I’ll make a sample plan for you, you can follow my suggestions or create your own plan, you can add or remove things, and if there are other problems I didn’t list you can add them. There’s no hard and fast rule for these things, but maybe this can be a starting point for you.

The person who is hurting you
Is this person in your everyday life, or online? And how are they hurting you, are they bullying you/physically hurting you, or are they hurting you unknowingly and/or through inaction?
If they are unintentionally hurting you, then maybe you could try talking to them and explain that what they’re doing is making you feel bad. If they are intentionally hurting you then, depending on the severity, the former advice might be okay, but if it is really serious you need to find a way to get away from them and should consider calling the police. Keep in mind I don’t know much about them or what they’re doing to you so what I’m saying might be a bit too general and not necessarily tailored to your situation.

Food
Food is always important! Have you not been eating because you don’t have access to food, or because you do not want to eat? If it’s the former reason you should consider looking into government programs or charities that help to feed people. If it’s the later, why? If you do not feel like talking about it, do you think you’d be able to get an appointment with a psychologist/therapist? Food is what keeps you going, and if you are able to get it a good diet can have a positive effect on your mental health.

Housing
A place to stay is definitely important, and a relatively immediate issue. Do you think your family would be willing to take you back in? And also is it safe for you there? If they are, and if it is, I think it might be worth trying to go back. Even if you do not wish to live with them long term, it will give you a place to stay while you try to figure out how to move out. If they are not willing to take you back in, or if it is not safe, then you might want to see if you have any extended family that could take you back in, or maybe even look into a shelter.

Communication with others
I’ve found this difficult myself. As much as I hated it, one way I found to improve my communication skills is through exposure to social situations. Now this is always going to be hard in the beginning, but it does get easier. It can also be hard to find a social situation if you don’t get out much. What I did is I looked into groups and apps where people meet up in public for different activities. I joined groups explicitly for people with anxiety, and even some that were just about playing board games with strangers in public. Now I did this pre COVID, so this may or may not be an option depending on the laws regarding public gathers where you are, and on the current state of the pandemic in your location.

Scars
It can be difficult accepting the way we look, and it can make all of us very nervous. Maybe you can try covering some of them up in public with long sleeved shirts if you don’t like the attention, or if you want to grow more comfortable with your body you could try the opposite and go into public with them uncovered to gain exposure. You don’t have to have them visible all the time, you could start with a short walk around where you live with a short sleeved shirt on, maybe just for 5 or 10 mins. See how you feel afterwards, and maybe try again the next day or a few days later if you feel up to it. Maybe even consider speaking to your doctor to see if there are ways to reduce the visibility of the scars.

Now, this may seem like a lot, but you don’t have to do it all at once! See if you are able to focus on the most immediate and/or the easiest problem first, and just see if you can do one or two things to address it.