I just noticed that your moderator edited out the worst parts out of my post (as well as all the people telling me what they *really* thought of me). No wonder people were acting so supportive. That kind of says something, doesn't it? That I have to hide things about myself in order for people to give a shit? This is why therapy will never work for me - therapy requires one to be honest, and if I'm ever honest, then I will be despised.
Today, I lost it and screamed my boss down in front of everyone. It was for some stupid bullshit policy, but really, any time this guy ever says anything to me it makes me want to bust in the window of his Mustang, pour in a gallon of gasoline, and toss in a lit match. There's no word for sure, but odds are I'm fired.
This is kind of an ongoing pattern for me. This will be the ninth job I've been fired from (out of ten jobs I've ever had), and the sixth job I've been fired from for telling off the boss.
I'm just not the kind who can eat shit. I know that society requires you to bend over and lick your bosses' shoes, but I just fucking can't.
I really have no idea how people tolerate it. How can a few moments of pleasure in your life be worth the mouthfuls and mouthfuls and mouthfuls of shit that you have to eat?
It doesn't matter. My wife just walked out on me (she'll be back, though. She always comes back). I've got a pint of vodka in my stomach and I feel like hurting myself. I know I probably won't die from it; I never do. Tomorrow morning, as always, I'll look myself in the mirror and say, "Goddammit, I woke up." That will probably all get edited out, but oh well. God forbid I should be honest while crying for help on a suicide forum.