I am in a weird state at the moment. I have never experienced anything like this before. I would think by 32 one would already go through the learning process and know the basics of life and relationships by now. No no....I was so mistaken.
I am in this zone right now, for the last month or so, where my life, personal, social, emotional and even financial (one thing I was comfortable with last few years) were literally demolished to ground zero. But at the same time I don't feel suicidal for the first time in devastating circumstances. I feel like everything I knew before, everything I was told and thought, was a lie. It was an illusion, fake reality.
I was lied to and manipulated for all days of my life by people around me from the day I was born.
It is kinda sad, that I have to build everything over again from nothing with no support from single person in this world, all by myself. At the same time I somewhat feel empowered and hopeful, that now, finally, my eyes have been open and I see what most other people see.
I pray I have enough hope and faith to carry me through this storm and I wish to make wise decisions with minimal drama at the end. But I have a feeling it won't be so....