I am not suicidal.
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I am not suicidal.

This is a discussion on I am not suicidal. within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; I am in a weird state at the moment. I have never experienced anything like this before. I would think ...

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Old 04-14-18, 05:22 AM   #1
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Default I am not suicidal.

I am in a weird state at the moment. I have never experienced anything like this before. I would think by 32 one would already go through the learning process and know the basics of life and relationships by now. No no....I was so mistaken.

I am in this zone right now, for the last month or so, where my life, personal, social, emotional and even financial (one thing I was comfortable with last few years) were literally demolished to ground zero. But at the same time I don't feel suicidal for the first time in devastating circumstances. I feel like everything I knew before, everything I was told and thought, was a lie. It was an illusion, fake reality.

I was lied to and manipulated for all days of my life by people around me from the day I was born.

It is kinda sad, that I have to build everything over again from nothing with no support from single person in this world, all by myself. At the same time I somewhat feel empowered and hopeful, that now, finally, my eyes have been open and I see what most other people see.

I pray I have enough hope and faith to carry me through this storm and I wish to make wise decisions with minimal drama at the end. But I have a feeling it won't be so....
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The essence of life is growth.

The world isn't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place. And I don't care how tough you are, it'll beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You'll be a nobody. It's going to hit as hard as life. But it's not about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward...

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Old 05-13-18, 07:27 AM   #2
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Don't look at this as a defeat or lose but a new beginning. To move forward with your life for the better. Like you said you feel empowered and hopeful about this.

The only real question is are you going to accept what life seems to have planned for you or are you going to stand back up, dust yourself off and give a middle figure to life and set off on your own path?

The best quote I can think of for this comes from the video game Portal 2

"When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give you lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons!"

In short don't accept life for what it seems. See it for what it can be.

Last edited by john5813; 05-13-18 at 07:30 AM. Reason: added to it.
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Old 05-13-18, 12:44 PM   #3
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Nah..I am going to make some lemonade
__________________
The essence of life is growth.

The world isn't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place. And I don't care how tough you are, it'll beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You'll be a nobody. It's going to hit as hard as life. But it's not about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward...

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