"It" hurts so bad
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"It" hurts so bad

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Old 02-20-08, 01:32 PM   #1
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It's like a large thing growing inside me, I can't find a way to relieve the pressure. I want to just scream at the top of my lungs, wail in pain and tears. It's a question, a pain, an emptiness, and a loneliness all balled up together in confusion. I want to take a bunch of stuff, stuff to numb, to mellow, to daze out into space, to just kill the pain. I want to tell somebody all about how bad I feel and yet I'm afraid to tell anybody . . . I want to be noticed, to have somebody see my pain. I want to run away and yet I can't - it's not possible to runaway from what's inside. Runaway from what's attached and growing within the very body that wants to break loose and run, just run as fast as I can. But no matter how fast I run, it won't ever be fast enough . . . I sit here with the tears pouring down my face not knowing what to do, who to cry out to for help, not sure of what to say even if somebody was listening . . .
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I never met you and yet I know you,
at least I know much about you.
I know you need food, shelter
and things to do to keep you sane.
And I know that especially, you need someone . . .

I can't say that I am that someone,
but I am someone . . .
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Old 02-20-08, 01:44 PM   #2
 
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We're listening, sorry you're feeling so bad today.
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Old 02-20-08, 01:44 PM   #3
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i'm listening, cbl...
don't know what to say, but i hear you
just sending a (hug) and lending a listening ear. . .
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Old 02-20-08, 01:58 PM   #4
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Let me try this again, I had it all written and then lost the forum.

Thank you for reading and responding, I don't know what to do. If I was home alone I would crank up the stereo and try to get lost in the music but I'm not. There isn't anybody here that I ever let see how bad I feel either so I'm alone in a crowded room I guess.
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I never met you and yet I know you,
at least I know much about you.
I know you need food, shelter
and things to do to keep you sane.
And I know that especially, you need someone . . .

I can't say that I am that someone,
but I am someone . . .
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Old 02-20-08, 02:04 PM   #5
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sorry u feel so alone.
are you home or out?
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Old 02-20-08, 02:18 PM   #6
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just thought if u were home, maybe u could use headphones
(wouldn't try that if you were at work or somewhere u needed to actually hear your surroundings, tho)

anyway,looks like u r off, so i'm gonna go, my daughter wants 2 play
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Old 02-20-08, 02:39 PM   #7
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sorry, she was really upset & i thought you weren't coming back, you were signed off & not coming back on

thought maybe i freaked u out by asking if u were home
sometimes people say stuff that makes me feel weird :oops:

maybe you got kicked off & couldn't sign back on
sorry, i should have stayed longer just in case
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Old 02-20-08, 03:09 PM   #8
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hey CBL you know u dont have to hide anything here... we are all ears... always will be.

((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))



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im the kinda girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
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Old 02-20-08, 03:21 PM   #9
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Your okay BG - I had a connection glitz with the internet.

Yes, I'm home but not alone. My Mom and Godmom live with me and they are both home today.

Normally they both work days and since I don't currently have a job I've able able to enjoy my days alone. If I need to go some place during the day I have to take my mom to work and keep her car because my 18 y/o nephew has my car.

Things are really complicated right now with the family issues. I never had any kids myself but my brother has 3 boys and my sister has 1. Hers and my brothers youngest are both 10, my brothers two oldest are 18 and 22 this weekend.

Last summer my brother, his wife and youngest moved to TN. - my sister, her husband and son live in Coldwater about 45 minutes away, My mom and the oldest boy live with me - the oldest boy is actually doing a few months in jail, he'll be out in May.

And the 18 y/o is staying with his friends parents just down the road until he graduates High school in May.

I had a really good job but lost it after 4 months in the hospital, I've been home about 2 1/2 weeks. Anyway, with the cold weather here I let him drive my car until it gets warmer or I get a job, gives me a little leverage if his grades start dropping too -

My African grey just snuck over to me, he's sitting on my shoulder just being there. I love to listen to him talk, he gets so crazy sometimes. Although it gets a little agitating when I'm sitting right here and he keeps yelling "Where's Mamma?"

Well I've probably bored you to death by now. I'll catch you later -

Thanks again for listening.
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razy Bird Lady


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I never met you and yet I know you,
at least I know much about you.
I know you need food, shelter
and things to do to keep you sane.
And I know that especially, you need someone . . .

I can't say that I am that someone,
but I am someone . . .
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Old 02-20-08, 03:23 PM   #10
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Hey SC - Good to see you today. I need to have a party, want to come?

I have the drinks but we need so Orange Juice and snacks - anybody have some?
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razy Bird Lady


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I never met you and yet I know you,
at least I know much about you.
I know you need food, shelter
and things to do to keep you sane.
And I know that especially, you need someone . . .

I can't say that I am that someone,
but I am someone . . .
CrazyBirdLady is offline   Reply With Quote
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