I have a "see what happens" approach to suicide.
I guess for some people that's just hope. I don't like calling it that because it doesn't come off as being like a grounded solution. I like painting what could happen as a possibility that's almost pointless not to observe, because that's something my thinking brain can understand. That keeps me alive without really keeping my "hopes" up.
Sometimes even that feels pointless, though. Sometimes I'm just suffering because whatever, fuck me I guess. Like there's no reason for it, and no reason to endure it.
Better to post that here than to crave sympathy from actually nobody.