What is there left to do?
I am new here, and this feels so ridiculous.
I have been depressed for the longest time, and have been fighting what feels to be the same battle since 19, when I first tried psychedelics and completely lost my shit and lost all my footing.
I have since been unable to communicate effectively, feeling like there's something going on around me that I am not a part of, and just feeling like I'm wasting opportunities instead of taking them.
Why am I wasting them? Because, a lot of the time I don't feel like I know HOW to take them. I feel lost, I see the way my mind works and I keep telling myself I don't know how to get out of it, and I don't see any other way of getting out of it than killing myself.
This makes me so sad. I have so, so SO much potential that I would be throwing out. But I am drenched in fear. I am tired, I am tired of taking the good in the world JUST to keep holding on. I am tired of not making my own self shine. I don't know how to do it. I don't want to do this anymore. I am so sick of saying "I'm going to do it, I'm going to wake up, I'm going to be ME" and then drown in fear and keep the cycle going. Please help me. I am so done. I am so scared. I am so fucking done with everything.