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Fuck it...I'll just kill myself.

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Old 07-30-12, 11:05 AM   #11
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"You dont think anything you do is wrong"

I need to get out of here. I need to get a job and find somewhere else to live. I'm pretty sure it would be best for all parties really. My mother and step father would be getting rid of my laziness and I would no longer be a drain on their income.

If nothing happens soon I may need to vanish for a little while. Just to give myself more time...and maybe to allow them a difference of opinion.
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Old 07-30-12, 11:09 AM   #12
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You Need to do whatever gets you set bud. Whatever is best for you
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Old 07-30-12, 11:40 AM   #13
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I'll need to do some research on places I can stay around my area for cheap...maybe hostels or shelters or something....Just to tide me over until I can get a job....

Even saying this...I've still got a voice in my head saying "Pointless, just end yourself, its the best thing for everyone" My own bloody voice telling me these things. just horrible.
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Old 07-30-12, 11:47 AM   #14
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Originally Posted by Twin Tigers View Post
I'll need to do some research on places I can stay around my area for cheap...maybe hostels or shelters or something....Just to tide me over until I can get a job....

Even saying this...I've still got a voice in my head saying "Pointless, just end yourself, its the best thing for everyone" My own bloody voice telling me these things. just horrible.
It's like a war, isn't it Tigers?I know what you mean, sweetheart, but keep doing your best. Anytime the voice gets too loud for you, come find us to remind you how lovely you are and how far you have come!
We care about you... I care about you and will continue to carry hope for youKeep going! We're here for you!
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Old 07-30-12, 12:15 PM   #15
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Shut the voice down man. You can fight back against it. You can tell it no. I think a big change could be good for you. Maybe give you the motivation to do what you need to do
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Old 07-30-12, 12:27 PM   #16
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Ive just been told that "We're going to have a discussion later" which I think means im being kicked out. I'll let you know shortly. Im going to go talk now. :(
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Old 07-30-12, 12:29 PM   #17
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Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
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Old 07-30-12, 12:39 PM   #18
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We are here for ya no matter what happens
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Old 07-30-12, 02:39 PM   #19
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So...apart from my opinion being outright blunted on a couple of occasions. It went O K I guess.

The terms are against my opinion but I have no choice in the matter.

Up at the normal person time of 8am every day. Job within a couple of weeks, moving out by the end of the year if I follow all their terms, if I don't follow it will mean I have to move out sooner.

I genuinely dont know how to feel. Part of me is annoyed my opinion got blunted, and another part is saying, I kind of hope this doesn't work as it will mean they have infinite bragging rights of "I told you so" and "I said to just get over it". I can see their opinion, I can understand them, I just don't agree with some often things they said. Also the fact they were allowed to get angry and raise their voice but I wasn't.

I want to see them as wrong. But they are not...makes me feel bad. I'm the one with all the power. And I have done nothing. I am lazy. They are right. But it's out of necessity now. I need to get a job or find a new place to live.

I genuinely want to feel bad. Because then I could justify some part of why I have been a lazy dick. But I can't...as they said. I should just let the past go...as I won't get the answers I want anyway.

I just...feel....numb.
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Old 07-30-12, 02:50 PM   #20
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I'm the bad guy. It's me. It's my fault. Ive done it before...moving from place to place. Just scrounging of those around me.

If I manage to get my own place...I may need to get new family..to avoid all the shame I'm feeling right now.
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