It's my first time posting here, although I've contemplated doing it for a while but refrained from doing so because I told myself that it would go away.
I've had depression for a while but recently suicidal thoughts have resurfaced and I've spoken about it to my friends and family but they brushed it off. They kept telling me its a phase that it'll pass or that I'm just being childish and I need to mature. Honestly I've tried to keep it together but I just end up crying into my pillow so much its become a daily thing.
My memory has started failing me too. I'm continuously being given warnings at work because I forget to write the orders correctly. (I'm a waitress) The truth is even when a customer gives me an order, a few seconds later my mind blanks out. At first I thought it was normal screw ups but they kept recurring.
I've gained weight (5kg) and I'm overly sensitive to everything lately. The smallest of things triggers me and my social anxiety isn't helping.
Moreover I sleep more than ever, I sleep about 10 hours because I don't have the motivation to do anything. Needless to say my grades dropped as well. I used to be an A student, now I've just received a D+ in one of my classes.
I'm at lowest of my lows and feel like I can't turn to anyone close to me. I feel so trapped and suffocated. I keep telling myself it will get better, but it's not, I'm not.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel so tired and lost.