Constantly wanting to be done. With everything
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Constantly wanting to be done. With everything

This is a discussion on Constantly wanting to be done. With everything within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; Hello. 25 y/o woman here. For quite some time now I have had thoughts of dying. Just ending everything. I’ve ...

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Old 08-31-18, 12:11 AM   #1
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Default Constantly wanting to be done. With everything

Hello.
25 y/o woman here.

For quite some time now I have had thoughts of dying. Just ending everything. I’ve attempted before, and my husband was there for me. It started years ago. Thoughts every day about just... being gone. I do believe in God. I know i have been saved. I know suicide is a sin. But the thought of it brings relief. I havejt had a particularly hard life at all. I think the main reason i havnt succeeded is because of my family. I had a baby- a girl- in march of this year. I had post partum deppression pretty bad. I was smart and put her down and walked away so i wouldnt hurt her, but i thought about ending me every time. I thought i would be done with it by now. I dont want to go talk to amyone about it probably because noone knows im having these thoughts. My husband knows ive had some issues eith it but nothing recent at all. Im afraid to share it with him. Verbalizing my thoughts into understandable sentences would be hard. Especially because i dont think he would fully get it. He doesnt know everything. I dont even know how to tell him. My husbamd, daughter, and i live with my parents because we cant afford to be on our own. I ended up quitting my job in my first trimester due to morning sickness and am looking for a job now. I have had two interviews with mo offers. My husband has 2 full time jobs and works 80 hours a week or more. I feel like i failed him. We habe some debt but not a ton. My death would benefit him financially. Both cars would be paid off. He has life insirance on me so he would get some from that. I could be cremated, cuz it is cheaper. My parents habe a policy too to help with funeral costs. My daughter would be fine. Im not that great of a person. I dont think i can do much for her. Im not a great role model. Amd my husbamd is only 21. He would find someone else. Im not good enough for him amyways. It is my fault that we are in this mess and living with my parents. I know how i woyld do it. I dont wanna be here. Im tired of thinking. I feel like i cant stop it. It just keeps going.
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Old 08-31-18, 10:25 PM   #2
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Aww honey, I relate to a lot of your feelings. I've felt pretty worthless before, no use to anyone around me, but I now know that was the depression talking. I don't think what you feel about yourself is accurate. I think you just need to talk to someone. You also probably need a change of pace. I am absolutely sure your family would be sad if you were gone. No money could replace their daughter, wife, and mommy.
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Old 09-06-18, 10:36 PM   #3
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The worst of it is always at night. I cant get my mind to stop going. Thinking about everything. My husband works the night shift, so he isnt with me. I can call him, and i have. But i dont share specifics with him. He just thinks i cant sleep. Which is true. I call him to get my mind off of it. It usually works. But not always.
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Old 09-07-18, 10:24 AM   #4
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OK,Jte...you believe in God...i know lots of people who turn towards religion,prayer...it gives them a strength...a hold on..if you say you have been saved you got nothing to worry about at all....suicide is often a choice for some because they see no way out...it's up to the ones who are left behind to consider it a sin or not?thinking about everything ,you say?don't we all do that in our daily life?
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Old 09-08-18, 10:17 AM   #5
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"Almost nothing material is needed for a happy life, for he who has understood existence."
-Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher'

What are you grateful for? That you have a husband who loves you enough to support you financially? That you have an obedient daughter (I hope)? That you have a roof over your head? That your husband is healthy and young and will live a long life? That you can see, hopefully out of both eyes and hopefully hear out of both ears?

Would you sell your brain for $2 trillion and replace it with a Down Syndrome brain? That's how rich you are.
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