cant take this anymore!
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cant take this anymore!

This is a discussion on cant take this anymore! within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; i cant live no more every minute, every second hurts. When i was i sixth grade i was raped and ...

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Old 06-23-06, 07:38 PM   #1
 
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Default cant take this anymore!

i cant live no more every minute, every second hurts. When i was i sixth grade i was raped and my friend killed himself after i told him. my parents just found that out and now they think im delusional. I also started cutting in sixth grade. In sventh i got majorly suicidal and had major attempts. one of my friends-my best friend found out i did and went suicidal on me too. i was so afraid she would kill herself. Then during christmas vacation my grandfather commited suicide which killed me because it's like i just wasn't good enough. Then when there was a week left of school i was sent to a hospital for being suicidal. i finally got out and found out i wasn't going to ever be able to talk to my best friend again. this changed shortlly after. In 8th grade i went to a partial program for a month and here i am now-hiding behind fake smiles and crying when alone. i want to die so bad and it seems so easy. i guess i just need help and dont know where to turn.
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Old 06-23-06, 08:50 PM   #2
 
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well, for now, you've turned here. maybe it will help you and give you the will to live longer.

please stay. you are needed in this world. with the experiences you have had, somebody can learn from them.

do you have someone that you trust that you can talk to (other than here)? meds? counselors? anything out there as support?

in any case - here we are. just hang on.
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Old 06-23-06, 10:00 PM   #3
 
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Sweetblood123,
My heart goes out to you.
We are here for you. There is a support group here that cares about you. You don't have to put on pretend smiles and or hide the truth of how you feel. You are safe to tell us. None of us will judge you because we are or have been recently there, right where you are, ourselves.
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Old 06-24-06, 01:16 AM   #4
 
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Dear Sweetblood:

When I was your age similar events happened to me that led me to attempt suicide. At age 13 my father passed away :cry: leaving my mother to cope with seven children. My attempts to kill myself I am sure were cries of help that went unheard.

Please...Please...Please...Don't give up hope! Parents are frightened when faced with the realization that their child needs a type of help that they are unable to understand. Most parents sweep the problem under the rug (or so it seems) by not accepting what your cries for help are telling them.

Hopefully, they will come to their senses and see the pain you are suffering with and get you some HELP! My problems went unresolved and follwed me into adulthood.

When I became a mother and found my own teenage daughter dealing with the same issues of Suicide attempts in her teen years...

I came to her aid immediately. Knowing that she was unable to freely tell me what was troubling her I found her a therapist who could listen and help her.

Thankfully, she made it through her crisis and found tools that I was never given to help her deal with stress and other issues that help her even to this day.

If there is anything you wish to reveal to us or tell us how we can help you in what you are feeling...

PLEASE ASK!!! We will not judge you in any way...we will only offer assistance in how we as adults try to deal with serious issues that we have more experience with.

I know how you feel and what you are dealing with. My understanding comes from the perspective of walking in your shoes over 30 years ago...and my daughter walking in your shoes 16 years ago...

and today my own daughter has totally recovered (as much as one can) and is happily married and just graduated from college.

She understands your pain also and I am sure would be happy to share with you how she made it through those rough times...

:D and is happier today than at any other time in her life.

Always remember that even the darkest storms lead back to bright sunny days :lol: and happiness
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Old 06-24-06, 10:01 AM   #5
 
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thank you so much for understanding me. It helps to have someone more experienced to relate to. i have a therapist but have been changing them a lot. I have also not found the right meds. The thing that hurts me the most was my grandfather commiting suicide because it's like i wasn't good enough for him to live. everything seems to get worse and worse-im grounded all the time and im always afraid my dad will hit me again. i also get flashbacks from being raped and it hurts that once they find out about it from my poems they immediatly think that im delusional. Im so glad i have someone to talk to now.
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Old 06-24-06, 10:53 AM   #6
 
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Sweetblood

I agree 100% with what noki wrote (thanks, noki!). It is indeed true that as parents, we know little about how to deal with the problems of our children, especially when it comes to life and death issues or even accepting that they exist. Parents make huge mistakes in raising children and believe me, we pay for it in some way later unless we figure out what to do better. I thought my mom and dad were totally stupid, unforgiving, mean, "out of the loop," and so forth until I became a parent. Then...ha, well, you know, I became them! (But I think I did much worse in many ways.)

Your dad had better not hit you again. That is not necessary. I'm sorry you have to go through that. In a calm moment, try to have a talk with him and tell him how you feel. Would that work or only make him more angry? I think it is worth a try if you feel safe in doing it.

Heck, most of the adults on here will tell you that even their adult friends and family do NOT understand, are not willing to stick with them, and basically "exit" when things go rough. There's something about the human condition (of some people) that causes them to run from things they don't want to know about, don't know about, or cannot solve. We don't need people to solve our problems, we just need to talk and be heard.

We are hear for you. Adults with experience who have walked in your shoes in many ways. We won't ground you, hit you, or berate you. We'll listen, share, give advice, prod (gently), but most of all, we'll just be here for you.

Irishred
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Old 06-24-06, 01:38 PM   #7
 
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well my dad doesn't really hit me anymore but it still left a perminent scar of fear. I hate my parents so much cause now they are sending me away for two weeks. :cry: they also hate my boyfriend and they don't even know him-they just saw him once. I hate my "family" if u can call it t family. We have to go to family therapy and then i have another therapist. I'm a screw-up.
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Old 06-24-06, 02:24 PM   #8
 
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Nah, you are not a screw up. You are just trying to figure out who you are and where you fit into life.

I am so glad your dad doesn't hit you anymore. Yes, you have emotional scars from it, but you are SO much better off that he doesn't do it anymore. I am sure he feels badly about it and wishes he could erase it. I hope he has apologized to you. If so, please forgive him and let it be a part of the past. If he hasn't, tell him that it would help you heal.

Where are you going for two weeks? Hope it is somewhere kinda fun.

Your boyfriend...now why don't they like him? Be honest:) I'll tell you about my high school boyfriend sometime. But first, let's hear about yours.

Again - you are not a screw up. You are a young person who is going through the roughest time of life. You will make mistakes, fall down, pick yourself up...and someday you will watch your child do the same, but will feel helpless in watching them struggle.

Irishred
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Old 06-24-06, 08:40 PM   #9
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irishred is right. You're just an average teenager who is dealing with depression. This is a sanctuary for you to express yourself and communicate your issues without the fear of being judged. I know that it can be hard sometimes, but if you need to run somewhere to know that you are loved and cared about, know that your brothers and sisters are right here, and they always will be. When I first found and joined this forum, it was like walking into a heated shealter from a painful blizzard. Have hope and faith in yourself and your family, and NEVER GIVE UP ON THEM OR YOURSELF. If you honestly, truely believe that things will come out right with all your heart, then they will. If you believe that the tension in your family will vanish, then in time, it will. If you believe that eventually your parents will learn to accept and like your boyfriend's company, then in time, they will. Believing is a powerful thing, Sweetblood123, and I believe that you're going to come out of this dark chapter in your life alive and healthy. Know that you are loved.

Tyler... or Shadow... whichever you find more pleasent.
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Old 06-24-06, 08:45 PM   #10
 
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Nice words, Shadow!!
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