Hello, I Google searched apathy and suicide and it brought me to this site. So here I am. Thinking about killing myself, thinking it is my apathy, that I wear like a force field around me, leading me to this destination. As I age, I'm 55 now, the less I care about, the less enjoyment I have. I've know for years now how sad my life is, caring about nothing, except 2 stupid dogs. So I started going to counseling, to relive my painful childhood. Oh what fun! Then 8 months ago I thought the BDSM lifestyle would make things interesting. Random sex, men hurting me calling me a slut whore... shouldn't that make me feel something? Or maybe it's the danger of it all that I was drawn to. I think I'm bored with that. Of course I never told my shrink about the stuff as I didn't want anyone to stop me. I'm exhausted, this life is exhausting searching for nothing, going nowhere. I have been collecting what I need. Daily I look at my 'bootie' wondering when is the day, when is the last day?

I'm not an apathic, but i also ask 'when is the last day'. 24 years in shit. I say to myself that i should'nt commit a suicide, and i try to contemplate about life a lot. It is helping me. Don't kill yourself. Life is precious. Besides you'll die one day like everyone else. No need to fasten it. Life is about the experiences.

Life is not precious, life is a burden I could easily do without. I am apathic. I never bothered with councelling, waste of time and waste of money.