I don't know why I'm still alive. I don't contribute anything (no, really, I don't.) I have now officially lost interest in what few hobbies/ activities I had.
I am so lonely it hurts just thinking about it or seeing other people together.For goodness sakes, the 'forever alone' picture can almost bring me to tears.
And that's not going to change. For it to change, I'd have to be going out and doing something - which I'm not - I haven't even been able to find things that sound interesting enough to do on my own and within my budget when I *have* had the energy to look. Even if I did go out, I am terrible at small talk, and having no hobbies/interests anymore, I have nothing to say to anyone. I've done online profiles for dating sites, but can't ever bring myself to actually talk to anyone/meet.
This is constant, and has been... almost all of my life. I think I was happy once, for maybe a year in college. But the rest of the time is just this empty lonliness, and every year it's just getting worse, b/c now i'm getting older and so I can't keep lying to myself that I or anything is going to change. I've already given up on having kids, b/c I don't want to be 60+ when my child is 30. I've pretty much given up on finding a significant other and that... for me, it's just torture. On top of a lackluster job, no interests, and not liking myself very much in general, there is simply no point to me being alive.