I wish I knew the words to stop your pain KSanford but I assure you, you're not alone. Reaching out is a very good step and posting here may help you as there are many other people here who know your pain as they're either going down the same road or have been there themselves.
Please, don't give up on yourself. Get counselling wherever you can. I know that feeling of being numb and helpless as well and yes, there are days I have a hell of a time getting up out of bed because I could not see any hope.
Hang in there please. One day at a time.