This is agony. No one cares. I want to die.
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This is agony. No one cares. I want to die.

This is a discussion on This is agony. No one cares. I want to die. within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; The pain I am feeling right now is undescribable, I can feel it all through me, its killing me. So ...

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Old 07-31-11, 07:22 PM   #1
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Default This is agony. No one cares. I want to die.

The pain I am feeling right now is undescribable, I can feel it all through me, its killing me.

So much has gone wrong and I can't think of a person who hasn't hurt me in some way, on purpose or just being care less. I hate who I am, I need someone to come along and make it all ok. The pain is just too much, an ending to it all would be the best thing I could ask for.

I wish so badly that I could just kill myself, but I can't hurt my family like that.

I am gutted today and feeling so lost because a friend who used to support and help me so much has kind of stopped caring and that really really hurts.

Iv broken down in full on floods of tears so many times today I just can't keep on living like this, the pain doesn't go away. I am going to pray to god once I have finished this that I die tonight, that I simply don't wake up. I really really hope he hears me and helps, I can't bear this.

I am sorry :( I am sorry for existing when I know I have no place, and I am sorry for wasting people heres time. I am sorry for trying to get better and failing and moaning on here, I am just sorry to everyone, everyone including myself. If only people knew that I wasn't this strong person they thought I was, if they only knew I was falling to pieces everyday, what would they do? Nothing, because no one cares how I feel.

I'm devastated, absolutely devestated by life. I wont be here much longer I don't think.
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Old 07-31-11, 08:29 PM   #2
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Hey whisper, i care.... what is going that has you down? please talk to us we want to help.
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Old 07-31-11, 08:45 PM   #3
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Awe whisper, I'm sorry. I dont know what to say. I second dax though, tell us more about whats going on with you and I'll try to think of something to help.
Hang in there hun
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Old 08-01-11, 07:02 AM   #4
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I'm crying on the inside right now Jenny, this really hurts me.

Hey people, don't you guys understand? Our dear Jenny has already attempted it. This is not a question of just hanging in there. Or to stay strong or anything. She is way past that point. She has stayed strong for a long long time and now what? What good does it bring to her? Jenny suffers every single day, every single waking moment of her life. Giving her virtual hugs does less than ZERO at this point. But I don't blame you guys for doing that.

If I really had to say something to you, dear Jenny as the human that I am on the inside...then it would be this: Jenny I've tried looking for the good things in this world, tried looking on the positive side of things but...What people in this society will not accept is...is that there are people out there like you. Like yourself, who are in deep pain and that the pain can not be cured just by thinking....by using your will power. People who think you can overcome the problems that you have by just thinking....they are very very IGNORANT. A person's life can really exist of only being tortured every day by her own mind, sadly enough.

And frankly...it really feels like the whole world does not give a damn. They are blind to the problems we have until they get it themselves. And that's not how this world should work but it does. We are ignored. Who will reach out in this hell hole..? People are so busy with their own lives... I mean when talking to a psychiatrist we are being treated like numbers, like statistics. When you say to a doctor that you are suicidal they will see you as patient number #131235 who is also suicidal. There is nothing human anymore about the whole thing. They ignore us like everyone else. They won't even give reasons anymore for why we should not kill ourselves.....

Jenny, you really need help and...I'm not sure if this world can offer the help you need? With medication the thoughts won't really go away...but the feelings...you know the Extreme Ups and Downs are brought closer together. So that you will feel kind of in between negative and positive feelings.

But you won't feel cured very fast. Takes a long time for medication to work effectively.
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Old 08-01-11, 07:16 AM   #5
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The people in this society want to keep on living in their fantasy world where people like you Jenny...and me don't exist. They just can't see that there is so much suffering even in their own back yard (street).

I feel like that's why they ignore us. Who will help us in this cold, hard world? Not the doctors, who treat us like broken computers. Not the president, who is too busy with fighting wars all around the world, killing people. And what about our own family? They just don't know what to do or they have abandoned us...because our fathers and mothers also have lives of their own, jobs, relationships etcetera.

It really feels like that we are alone... I mean who I do have right now? This forum isn't even helping me but I'm posting things here anyway.

Believing in God won't help me get rid of my headaches for example.

So Jenny.... I did not want to give you a cliché answer....

Like, that life can turn around very quickly, or that we don't know what the future will bring...or that this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem...

To you Jenny, it's a permanent problem. You have pain now...that is what is important.

I'm not sure what we can do for you...you can already tell by the responses that people have given that...they are POWERLESS....and so am I.

I mean, this is the best I can come up with...and it's not even helping.

I'm stuck to my body, I can't be there with you...but...I can say that I'm thinking about you. At least for the rest of this day.
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Old 08-01-11, 07:44 AM   #6
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As Kenneth, that's my real name, and as a human who is trying to survive I would like to say to you, Jenny, that...

When a person has hit his or her absolute bottom in life, the point where things can't get any worse...we might not get back up from the hole very soon. I have waited for someone or something to throw me a rope down from above. But right now we are...you and me both are...in the pits of hell. When someone throws a rope down it will burn to ashes before we can grab onto it.

It may sound silly but...you are right, we might be alone in this world my dear Jenny. We have to build our own ladder of steel that can resist the fires of hell. And the trick is... we have to steal the material and the tools...from the devil himself.

What I'm saying is...is that I have been waiting for someone to say to me....

"Kenneth, yes Kenneth life is really fucked up, a person can be tortured every day till he dies, you have all the right to go and kill yourself."

But I have not met a person yet who has said that to me. They want me to stay alive for unknown reasons...

You know what my worst discovery is? Is that when I came online to look things up about my problems....I couldn't find the answers at all. Not even in the biggest library in the city. It's like my problem only existed in my mind. No one else knows a thing about it. I started believing that all the things that people have said about life was just one big lie.

How can people say that life is beautiful when standing next to a homeless person out on the street? There is nothing beautiful about suffering and having pain every day. I think those people are just insane, they have not thought it through at all. Maybe I'm crazy?

I feel like going out there on the street and asking every person I see what I should do...but they will just ignore me like a homeless person on the street.

We are alone, very alone.
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Old 08-01-11, 11:22 AM   #7
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Hey Jenny (and Kenneth too)
Here's the deal. I'm sorry if I offended with my cyber hugs. I too have attempted. I've been in the hospital. Not as recently as you, whisper. But it's out there in my universe. Today, now, in this minute do I want to die? Yep. Tomorrow is it likely I'll want to die? Yes indeed. So why I am here? I have no f*cling clue.
Maybe it's that I don't want to go inpatient. Or that I'm weak. Or that every once in a while I have a moment where I forget who and what I am. But it's not because I want to be here.
I THINK that there is light and beauty and music in the world, but not for me. I'm that girl in the street on Christmas eve staring into your window so longingly. But this isn't my pityparty.
The reason I send you virtual hugs is because I have no answers. Hugs can't help, really. I just want you to know I'm there alongside you. I think reckoners right about those laddersof steel. So race you to the top, guys.
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Old 08-01-11, 12:22 PM   #8
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Sigh, gonna have to give a hug to Jenny anyway... Wether it has any effect or not.

So here it goes Jenny... Weeeeeeey

I'll hug my teddybear and pretend that it is you.
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Old 08-01-11, 02:30 PM   #9
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I am still just at the lowest low gets. I hate living, I honestly don't know what I am doing still breathing. I wish someone would kill me now, why can't I be one of those people who are involved in tragic accidents and are killed, those happy, life loving people who actually want to live, why them and not me.

Reckoner I hate to say it because it kills me, but I think you are right, no one really cares and the more I think and the more I hear from people the more I agree with you that lifes harsh and people don't care for each other at all.

I can't even respond properly to you I am such a mess today, I just wish so badly that I wasn't here, well thats the thing, I don't, I just wish I had the old me back :( the me who was happy and cared about her life and who didn't need anyone to help her, I remember when I used to be so strong, honestly, I was hard as nails and its baught me to this state now.

Need to die now. xx
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Old 08-01-11, 03:12 PM   #10
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Jenny... I'm scared.
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