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This is a discussion on Again :( within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; I guess people like me just aint meant to survive in this world. I just cant reach that happiness, i ...

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Old 09-18-14, 11:51 AM   #11
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I guess people like me just aint meant to survive in this world. I just cant reach that happiness, i cant even make 1 friend although i am outgoing and friendly and kind. One of many "compliments" i got today were that i am ugly, unattractive, skinny, weak, gay, boring, annoying... Only 2 compliments that i ever gotten from anyone in real life were that i am kind and that i have a nice smile. I dont consider either of those honest. To people i am only a pile of bad things and everyone love to point out all of my bad things at me, while laughing so hard and enjoying in my pain. I believe even if i ended it all right now, here in my room, that on funeral there would be people laughing and that there wont be anyone shedding a tear, i am almost completely sure of it.

And Sensual, of course it didnt make me happier, everyone there either dispise me, make fun of me, or simply dont give a f**k about me. I am just an outsider. I seriously dont know how long i can make it. Its like i am stuck in a dark whole, with no way out. And yes happiness is inside job, but it seems to me that i am completely uncapable of reaching it, no matter how hard i try i just cant reach it, and no one (from real life) wants to help me, because i am hated.

I am bursting in tears right now...ugh. :(
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Old 09-18-14, 12:15 PM   #12
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You just took the insults or did you defend yourself? Success is the best revenge. You could be a snobby doctor and hopefully make them regret how they treated you.
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Old 09-18-14, 12:50 PM   #13
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I dont know how to defend, i cant offend anyone intentionally, i just took the insults, and after they were done offending me, i just simply turned head other way, followed with fake smile on my face, just to pretend that i dont care about what they said, when in fact reality is that i would feel more comfortable if they stabbed me then saying things that they said. I dunno what to rite, i am simply crying day and night. when they are laughing and having time of their lives. Its just so wrong, just too wrong.

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You could be a snobby doctor and hopefully make them regret how they treated you.
Sad reality is that they have significantly more money then i will ever have, even "dumbest ones" will most likely end up being more successful and on higher position than i will ever reach, if i dont kill myself in meantime that is. I dont know, i am always anti-suicide person and always keep people from doing it, motivating them and such, but look at me now, i am thinking day and night about it. If world completely breaks me, which is not too far from happening, only thing i will do is kill myself, yes i know its wrong, and i have no reason to racionalize that act, but i believe that it will be like that. I dont know whats wrong with me, i am bother to everyone. :(
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Old 09-18-14, 03:01 PM   #14
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Then you could just ignore them. Also you can walk away before they're finished.

I think you ought to embrace solitude. I know you say your brain isn't wired that way, but it can't hurt to try it.
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Old 09-18-14, 03:26 PM   #15
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I could try, but solitude makes me feel much worse then being bullied, at least bullying acknowledges my existance... :(

I mean i could try it, but i dont see it working in my opinion. :(

Luckily i am feeling much better atm, TTL chat just did wonders for me, thank you for your constant support and care Sensual, means a lot.
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Old 09-18-14, 07:12 PM   #16
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I do what I can. I care about you a lot. You're my baby brother.

You and Crystal are so different! One surrounded by chances to be social, hates it and wants nothing to do with people. The other wishes for more opportunities to be social, hates solitude more than anything...
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Old 09-19-14, 02:42 AM   #17
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Yeah me and Crystal are like opposites, lol.


Thanks sis, i care about you a lot too.
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