my last days are finally here i thought id post so all the other miserable people out there know theres one more out there like them, im 29 have lived on this GOD forsaken planey for too long, what all you people out there should be happy about is that you dont believe in god as i do, believing in god makes suicide so much more painful and just gives you someone to be angry at, im actually going to do it there is nothing that will convince me otherwise, im selling all my possesions my car and everything and getting a couple more crtedit cards and going to buy 25,000 worth of lottery tickets then once that has been lost im @#$%$# dead
i meditate and see myself leaving my body and detaching from reality just its so hard to get into that relaxed state of mind as that is the only way i can do it, the rest of the time im fighting with god or at least what i think god is trying to say, i think if gods love is dependant upon suicide or not then i dont want it anyway, he is the onwe that made me be born into this #$%$#@ up world in the first place and made my life so hard,
i cant see christmas im nearly 30 never had a woman dont keep friends while everyone else around me lives well, i have shame and pain and a life full of lonliness and now im basically schizophrenic, my entire family hate me and look down on me ,
my time has come ive lived thru the hardest 10 years that im sure anyway could have ever lived thru, i hate people they are so cold, but most of all i hate myself
peace to all who have to go down this road may you find what you are looking for
life is a cruel place i think i am more disappointed in GOD then anything else what a horrible thing to believe in unless you are "blessed"