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This is a discussion on #$%$#@ within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; my last days are finally here i thought id post so all the other miserable people out there know theres ...

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Old 10-26-09, 01:57 AM   #1
 
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my last days are finally here i thought id post so all the other miserable people out there know theres one more out there like them, im 29 have lived on this GOD forsaken planey for too long, what all you people out there should be happy about is that you dont believe in god as i do, believing in god makes suicide so much more painful and just gives you someone to be angry at, im actually going to do it there is nothing that will convince me otherwise, im selling all my possesions my car and everything and getting a couple more crtedit cards and going to buy 25,000 worth of lottery tickets then once that has been lost im @#$%$# dead

i meditate and see myself leaving my body and detaching from reality just its so hard to get into that relaxed state of mind as that is the only way i can do it, the rest of the time im fighting with god or at least what i think god is trying to say, i think if gods love is dependant upon suicide or not then i dont want it anyway, he is the onwe that made me be born into this #$%$#@ up world in the first place and made my life so hard,

i cant see christmas im nearly 30 never had a woman dont keep friends while everyone else around me lives well, i have shame and pain and a life full of lonliness and now im basically schizophrenic, my entire family hate me and look down on me ,

my time has come ive lived thru the hardest 10 years that im sure anyway could have ever lived thru, i hate people they are so cold, but most of all i hate myself
peace to all who have to go down this road may you find what you are looking for

life is a cruel place i think i am more disappointed in GOD then anything else what a horrible thing to believe in unless you are "blessed"

Last edited by where; 10-26-09 at 02:01 AM.
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Old 10-26-09, 02:08 AM   #2
 
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Old 10-26-09, 05:39 AM   #3
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It is a sad thing about your pain. what is it you need from other people?
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Old 10-26-09, 05:57 AM   #4
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Delta40 View Post
It is a sad thing about your pain. what is it you need from other people?
all i need is to be treated like a human being and understood but people only ever treat people with depression like shit, in saying what i said , i am not angry with god and see him as the only reason for being and realize that he has given me much hope in life and even some meaning to my life, i dont want to knock god because in my experience it has given me hope and something to live for ,i just wish i could be around the people that live for that as well, but i cant go to church because its too happy a place ,
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Old 10-26-09, 01:34 PM   #5
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If church is a happier place dont you need to be there even more so.

Sorry you are going through so much pain, i have a lot myself but more than likely different perhaps.
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Old 10-29-10, 10:02 PM   #6
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hey, i'm 15.. i'm going through a pretty rough time, and i have been ever since i was 10, so for 5 years now.. I don't know what you've been through but i do have an idea. I think you're very strong for putting up with the pain and standing your ground for so long. I think it's amazing personally. your family might look down on you, but you should prove them wrong and show them how you can shine!
It's easier said than done, i know but you can make it work! i know you can.
I know aswell that positive words frustrate me when i'm depressed and suicidal, because you think they don't understand you at all.
I'm always here for you, Closer to you than you may think.
Together we'll battle through this fight. :) x
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