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This is a discussion on !? within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; i'm facing it, i really do have a biochem imbalance. but it's rough coming to terms with it. my drs ...

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Old 10-05-09, 01:43 AM   #1
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i'm facing it, i really do have a biochem imbalance. but it's rough coming to terms with it. my drs have been telling me for a long time that it's very likely i'll have to take meds for the rest of my life just to survive, i.e. not kill myself, and also to live a "normal" i.e. functional life. i think i'm starting to really get it, it's hitting home. but of course this could just be a brief moment of clarity in the revolving storm that seems to be my life. like being in a washing machine, the cycles keep coming and going over and over and i feel like i'm getting worn out. the drs have told me all sorts of things about what they think is wrong with me. most of them want me to take antipsychotics. that's what everybody seems to agree on. but i hate antipsychotics, and i can't stand mood stabilizers, and so i end up just taking my antidepressants to keep myself alive, b/c otherwise i plan and attempt suicide.
i've learned not to talk about my stuff too much in my everyday life, b/c i have seen how ppl react and it's obvious that they think it's crazy. it's hard, being judged that way. i keep it under control most of the time. sometimes it gets out and ppl see what's really going on. if i let it go it becomes an ecstatic communion with god, and ppl just don't want to have anything to do with that sort of thing these days.
i know something isn't right with my brain, but wish i could let myself be free without having others treat me like i'm sick. i know i'm sick. and i feel sad about it. but i'm not crazy, and i don't like it when ppl treat me like i am.
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Old 10-08-09, 05:30 PM   #2
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I am sorry people treat you like that. It must hurt a lot.
You are a wonderful person, dreamer. Some of the things you have written on here comfort so many of us. Thank you for being a part of our family.
I really hope you can come to an agreement with medication that will help you have a stable and good life. You need to be safe, and I am glad you can see that. <3
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Old 10-08-09, 09:43 PM   #3
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We can only hope dreamer that more people learn that our illnesses are only part of who we are.
We are much much more.

Last edited by hydiidepressio; 10-08-09 at 09:46 PM.
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Old 10-09-09, 05:36 PM   #4
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There is tremendous ignorance and prejudice against mental health issues. Dreamer, it sounds like your situation is serious but treatable. It's good to come to terms with it. I've been told I'll be on medication for the rest of my life and I'm OK with it, but I have this perverse desire to be on strong medication.

Just take it one day at a time, find a med that works for you while properly treating your illness. I hope you soon get to a point where you are more relaxed and accepting of yourself, and stable enough to build your life back up.

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