I don't even know what to write. As much as I'd like to feel that posting on this site comes as a complete surprise to me and I never saw it coming, it would be a lie. Although suicide has crossed my mind in the past, the urge seems to get stronger and more frequent as I age, open my eyes wider to the ways of the world, and avoid seeking professional counseling. I know you are supposed to reach out to people who care when you need help, but I am not that person. As a current law student and someone who would be considered a "mainstream/popular" kid, the dark thoughts that preoccupy me are unknown to even my closest friends. The stigma following such a revelation would be irreparable. But tonight it really started to take over. As I was showering I began to think about what would happen if I was to just lie down in the tub and slash my wrists. The image of my brother walking in on the aftermath and then having to live in the home where I killed myself brought me back to my senses within a few minutes, leaving me pondering a less messy way to end it. It's not his fault I feel this way and I would never want to burden his life by taking my own and forcing him to deal with it. Reaching for the towel on the rack I was overcome by a feeling of meaninglessness, not just in my life but in everything around me...my possessions, my routine, my "goals." For a minute I felt such clarity, that the world was much simpler than I had so arrogantly assumed (not a good thing by the way). This epiphany surrounding the simplicity of life and the false emotions attached to inanimate things are my footpath to darkness. I really needed someone to talk to tonight. Even with all the people in my life, I feel completely alone.

I Will Talk to you tonight I hope I can help out. Now first off how did these dark thoughts start crossing your mind and how?

Sorry my sentences might be confusing tonight because I might accidently type something because I am pretty tired but I will stay up to talk to you.

You're not the only one. I suspect there are a number of us who appear to be 'mainstream" to others and have regular thoughts of suicide. And worry about consequences of discovery.

Keep writing...send PM message if I can help.

I

Mens Rea,

What year are you in at law school? I have heard from most people that law school is one of the most miserable times in their lives... particularly the first year.

Also, do you have the opportunity to do pro bono in law school? Helping somebody in need may make you feel better about your own situation.

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