things change
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things change

This is a discussion on things change within the Suicide Prevention forums, part of the Resources category; Reading the unthinkable pain people are experiencing on this site really makes me think of where i have been and ...

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Old 03-21-15, 04:25 PM   #1
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Reading the unthinkable pain people are experiencing on this site really makes me think of where i have been and how far i have come. i had my first mental breakdown when i was in grade six and just started crying one day and could not stop. on and off i cried pretty solid for about a week and got pulled out of school. i got no real help or treatment. suicidal for years. at 18 i was very serious about harming someone who i blamed for ruining my life. luckily for everyone involved, the police picked me up and i spent months in treatment. today, ten years later, i am healthier and happier than i have ever been in my life. i can give and accept love in healthy ways and i am SO SO glad i did not act on my pain. i am so so glad i dont hate humanity and i am able to forgive daily instead of turning bitter. things change and the part is that you can decide if they change for worse or better. when something big happens in your life, all the pieces are in the air and you can shape what things will look like when they settle again. in my life, i have experienced how sometimes one thing is the most important thing in the world, usually for the worst. looks, which i never thought i had, grades in school, which i thought were my only way of being valuable, a love object, who i would think was the only person who could ever love me. in a second, none of these things mattered. school, i dropped out and am still valuable, looks, bodies change constantly throughout life. at some point, the thing you think is ruining and running your life could stop being important at all. i have been lucky to have had it happen time and again. making the change positive it is difficult work and obviously help would help. it took years to get my medications right and that seems to be the story from pretty much everyone here on the other side. all you have to do is survive. if you are going through hell, keep on going.

Last edited by Forest; 03-25-15 at 08:06 PM.
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Old 04-20-15, 01:26 AM   #2
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It is difficult to make change positive. At times when you're at your lowest and surrounded by so much negativity, it seems far simpler to just give up and let go of life; even when you know you never would much less could do it. I, like you have had this breakdown (multiple times over) and wanted to blaze my own path of destruction on those who have destroyed me, leaving in it's wake nothing more than the slightest thread to their memory. Recently, I've undergone more personal heartbreak and lost all hope and inner peace that I worked so hard for over these past ten years. I used to have a passion for life and what I knew I would someday do. I'm back at the beginning of my own hell and am lost inside of it, no longer sure I wish to once again find my way back out. I'm so glad that you found you way through hell and are better off than before. I appreciate you sharing your story in light of my own experiences, and hope you would be able to share more encouragement on getting through this destructive rage and despair.
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