Some things that keep me going

petrafan007 · 02-10-16, 11:35 AM

So, as someone who has been diagnosed with depression, I understand the desire of just wanting to escape. I have never been truly suicidal, but I have had thoughts of hoping that I die because I just found the struggle of life pointless. Disappointments about my lack of character and addictions that I use for coping mechanisms set me back all the time. There are some things that keep me going.

1) If other people are happy, than so can I. I get very angry at how other people seem to have good lives. They were brought up by good parents, learned a skill as they were young, and have general success and aren't stymied by anxiety and fear. Me on the other hand, I blew it 8 years ago at a good job and I have been stuck in a call center for over 8 years... now I'm on short term disability for depression and anxiety. Several times I wanted to just die because I was scared that I would always feel like this and it would never get better. However, a lot of people that are successful today usually had to go through some crazy helllish situation before they got there. All I can do is hold on to that---that maybe I am being tested and tried to come out on the other side better than ever. It's either that or I die...and I don't want to die. But I figure if someone else can be happy, then DAMNIT so can I... And I will fight for it til the day I die (of natural causes, of course).

2) Health - I see a lot of people here hurting and a lot of the time, they are citing health problems. I personally have major problems with my digestion. Sometimes certain foods trigger it and I feel depressed after. Try asking your doctor about doing a food allergy test, or do an elimination diet. See if maybe certain foods (or chemicals, gmos, etc) are causing your issues. I know if I have dairy I feel like garbage and then feel depressed. I also take certain supplements that help. Also there are studies that show exercise literally melts depression away. Please see your doctor to ask about this as I am not a doctor...

3) Move south: Screw it...you have already come up with the idea that the only hope is to kill yourself. What have you go to lose? Take a chance and live a little (pun intended)... MOVE SOUTH! If you are like me and have seasonal depression, you know what I mean. Winter sucks! I have a 5 year plan as I am married, have a job and kids and can't just up and leave. But make a plan and think on it. If you are desperate and need to go now, and have nothing else holding you back...JUST GO... you'll find a church or shelter who will take you in and will be more than happy to help you get back on your feel. And hit up the beaches and enjoy the warmer weather and spend some time outdoors. If you have a family, I'm sure they will understand that this is your suicide-alternative and you only live once and are trying to find happiness. THis is just one idea--- but I would say just do it...think of something you always wanted to do and if it's (legally) viable, do it! Buy that car, go to that game, party, etc.

4) If you have friends, SPEND TIME WITH THEM. Trust me, I know what it's like to be a recluse spending hours on the internet and playing video games. But I always notice after spending even just a few hours with a friend, I have never felt better. There is just something about even forcing yourself to be around good people that renews your lease on life.