Hey. This is really just a message to myself, written down in blCk and white, reminding myself that I want to stick around, that I want to find out how my crazy story ends, and not close the book up in the middle. That there are more adventures to be had and more awesome songs to loudly sing aloud to in the car.
i made a promise to myself that i would hang on even if it gets reAlly really bad. That Everything will be okay. So even though it felt reassuring to have suicide there in the back of my mind as a plan b if it ever got to be too much, if I ever really needed it, it is no longer an option for me. Do you hear that?! Do not kill myself. I am stronger than I sometimes feel.
I will survive if only out of sheer will, to spite the universe that seems to have shit on me more than my fair share. Do You hear that world, you are gonna have to do a hell of a lot more than this to get rid of me! (So I might sound a bit like a crazy person talking to myself, but I need all the reminders I can get for when my brain tries to self destruct itself ).
If anybody reAds this, who knows, maybe it will help them too. But this is me telling future me to suck it up and hang in there because when life isn't busy sucking, it can actually be pretty fucking great.