Before You Kill Yourself
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Before You Kill Yourself

This is a discussion on Before You Kill Yourself within the Suicide Prevention forums, part of the Resources category; GraveCave's Message to the Forum: You've decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out. Fine -- ...

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Old 11-20-06, 12:57 AM   #1
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Default Before You Kill Yourself

GraveCave's Message to the Forum:

You've decided to do it. Life is impossible. Suicide is your way out. Fine -- but before you kill yourself, there are things you should know. I am a psychiatric nurse, and I see the results of suicide -- when it works and, more often, when it doesn't. Consider, before you act, these facts: Suicide is usually not successful. You think you know ways to guarantee it?

Ask the 25-year-old who tried to electrocute himself. He lived. But both his arms are gone. What about jumping? Ask John. He used to be intelligent with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leaped from a building. Now he's brain-damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. Worst of all, he knows he used to be normal. What about pills? Ask the 12-year-old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow. It's a hard way to go. What about a gun? Ask the 24-year-old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his "foolproof" suicide. You might too.

Who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning crews may refuse that job -- but someone has to do it. Who will have to cut you down from where you hanged yourself or identify your bloated body after you've drowned? Your mother? Your wife? Your son? The carefully worded "loving" suicide note is no help. Those who loved you will never completely recover. They'll feel regret and an unending pain. Suicide is contagious. Look around at your family. Look closely at that 4-year-old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight and he may do it 10 years from now.

You do have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hotline. Call a friend. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or the hospital. Call the police. They will tell you that there's hope. Maybe you'll find it in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. But what you're seeking could be just a minute, a day or a month away. You say you still don't want to be stopped? Still want to do it? Then I may see you in a psychiatric ward later. And we'll work with whatever you have left.

Written by: Renee T. Lucero; Reader's Digest June 1985
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Old 04-08-07, 03:02 AM   #2
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my friend killed himself. for those of you who are thinking of doing the same thing, let me share something with you.
i was not there for him at the end of his life. actually i had no idea that he was suffering so badly. but i loved him so, so much, and if i had known i would have been there in a heartbeat. if i had known how much he needed someone in his life i would have been there, no questions asked, as soon as i could have possibly driven the 300 miles from here to there.
for those of you who are planning or contemplating suicide, please consider this: when a person does this act, there are countless others left behind who love that person and will grieve forever. not for a year, not for ten years, not for twenty, or thirty, or forty. FOREVER. it is so painful.
if you feel like you are alone and nobody loves you, i beg you to look again. look again, and try to remember those who have slipped away, those people who you knew long ago, who you thought were gone, who you thought forgot all about you. somewhere, among all those faces and all those memories, is at least one person who loves you with all their heart and soul and who would give anything to prevent you from ending your own life. give them the chance. reach out. please. don't leave this life without giving other people a chance to show you how much you mean to them, how much they love you. they will most definitely show it after you are dead, but then it will be too late for you to share life together.
please, take advantage of your life while you have it. cherish those who share these moments with you. for someday, sooner than you think, this life will be over. now is the chance for you to make a difference, not only in your own life, but in the lives of countless others.
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Old 05-27-08, 07:31 AM   #3
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Default Re: Before You Kill Yourself

You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.

Now I want to tell you five things to think about.

1 You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

2 Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, ďI will wait 24 hours before I do anything.Ē Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesnít mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if itís just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.

3 People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.

4 Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.

But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone whatís going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:

Send an anonymous e-mail to The Samaritans
Call 1-800-SUICIDE in the U.S.
Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999
Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
Call a psychotherapist
Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen
But donít give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.

5 Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.


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Old 07-14-08, 09:52 AM   #4
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Default Re: Before You Kill Yourself

I hadn't read this before... Thank you for posting it. I have been suicidal many times in my life, and for different reasons/under different circumstances. I have also seen many friends and acquaintances choose to die because of marital trouble, physical pain of chronic illness, etc. One I know was found by his 15-year-old son, who wasn't even supposed to be there. The son attempted a year later, but luckily was saved. We don't always think about things, the kind of responsibility we have just in living and interacting with others. It's not just our lives, it's the lives of others, their wellbeing, their mental health. Even if we feel unloved, we still have someone that we love. If we didn't love them, we wouldn't be in pain, wouldn't care that they're messed up or abusive. Sure, it's not fair that we have to make the right choice when we're the ones hurting, but we all know all too well that life is as unfair as it gets. As for trying again... I can't imagine how, when you're permanently disabled and in 24-7 care, you'd be able to kill yourself. In fact, I bet that a lot of people who end up in that situation find that their lives take another turn for the better. The tragedy is that they now can't enjoy/take advantage of it like they could have, and it's their own fault. My dad told me the first time I attempted that suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. Sometimes the problem is temporary the way the Spanish Inquisition was temporary... but you still have to wonder if the best time of your life is coming, and if it's worth it to stop that pain that you've already shown you're strong enough to handle, when you're ruining others' lives in the process. Anyway, just my thoughts... Good post.
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Old 07-17-08, 10:35 PM   #5
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Default Re: Before You Kill Yourself


The original post is indeed a part of what people need to consider. Like most here I've been to the edge and turned back twice. I was lucky in that I did no damage and turned back early.

But I do know 3 people who didn't turn back and survived. Terrible stories and I won't repeat them here. Except to say all three are so scared now of surviving another attempt they have settled for where they are. It is a shock tactic but very real.

I do agree with Copper about the thoughts being temporary. That's what I try to focus on when talking to someone proposing the end. As it is temporary. I've had periods of 3 months where it was my sole thought night and day but it passed. Terrifying but it passed. I still have such thoughts today but they are fleeting and no longer feel like an order, rather just a thought.

I do find it hard to respond to someone who often says the same thing, threatening suicide over and over again. After the first couple of tries I don't know what else to say and feel there is nothing to say. Rather I think it gets to a point where the person has to make that decision as no one can stop them if that's what they really want.

What I mean here is when you outline a strategy and spend time doing it a couple of times and see the same cry again you start to realise they don't really want advice. They want someone to love them and I can't do that, nor can anyone else to save them. I guess this is where some turn to religion.

I am glad this forum discusses this topic in this manner as many shy away from it when it is the basic issue for many of us at those times.


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Old 09-22-08, 03:13 AM   #6
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Default Re: Before You Kill Yourself

My son, 31, lied down on railroad tracks last March (2008). He lost both legs below the knee and had head injuries. During the next 30 days after the incident, he had 15 surgeries. His skin grafts have struggled and even 7 months later, he can't wear the prostheses because they cause his skin grafts to blister. Once he tried to kill himself with tylenol and had to go to ICU to take an anti-toxin to save his liver.

I don't know where his future lies, but attempting suicide has never ended his suffering.
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Old 12-02-12, 02:08 AM   #7
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Default Whoever is contemplating suicide

You might be thinking that suicide is the best bet you have but if you take yourself out trust me at least one person will miss you... This guy I went to high school with killed himself and I was devastated... He was so cool and our birthdays were in the same month. He had just had a baby born into this world...that is very heartbreaking to me. If you are contemplating suicide plz don't do could break someone's heart. Put someone elses feelings ahead of yours... Don't be selfish. I've been there where you are... I've been so depressed to the point of praying to God on my hands and knees that he would just let me die in my sleep so I wouldn't have to do it myself because God doesn't want us to kill ourselves before our time. I've even attempted to by taking pills but failing miserably and only having a grand Mal seizure. Trust me I been there but I'm so much better now. Please take this as a testimony that there will be better days and the sun will shine in the morning.
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Old 09-07-13, 07:04 PM   #8
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If you consider driving off the road...

Let me tell you that from personal experience driving off the road is not nice! In 1992 I was driving my friends home from a birthday celebration going to bars and partying. Me being the sober driver I was at the wheel of my 1974 Ford Bronco that was modified and made more powerful (I was studying to be an auto mechanic at the time). I consider myself to be an above average driver and have a very good understanding of vehicles.

Anyway, I remember that day as vividly as can be! That day was life changing. At that exact moment that I stated above a taxi driver swerved out of a bus stop right in front of me. I will admit I was going to fast but I DID notice him and I had in anticipation moved over to the farthest lane from him but he came out of the bus stop very fast and all the way over to the far lane I was on! I immediately swerved over to the lane I thought he would use when he came out of the bus stop but again the taxi driver swerved in front of me, it was like he was deliberately trying to be in my way. I swerved one more time off road and hit a light pole doing about 40-50 mph. I was wearing a seat belt but a 192 lb friend of mine was siting behind me not wearing a seatbelt. The impact of hitting the light pole and my friend hitting me from behind was tremendous.

I blacked out... I felt so numb everywhere in my body once my friends could wake me up, everything was surreal, silent. I stumbled out of the vehicle looking at it and thinking my father would kill me for crashing the Bronco (it was my grandfathers before I got it). Someone called the police, I was dazed and everyone kept looking at me funny and asking if I was OK, I kept saying yeah, sure, but kept getting more strange looks. Turned out I was bleeding all over my face and rather pale. The police had me try to take a breathalyser test but I could not blow into it, my mouth and lips did not work properly. The cops said they would drive me to the emergency room but I kept telling everyone I was OK and was going to drive the vehicle home. I somehow managed to talk the cops into letting me drive home and promised I would go to the emergency room myself right after that.

I somehow managed to get the Bronco to my friends house not to far away and he drove me to the emergency room (even though he had been drinking, I think he sobered up quite fast with all the adrenalin in him after the crash). I was immediately admitted and doctors thought I had fractured or broken my jaw in several places. They took 4 X-rays of my head, nothing came out of those, I ended up having 12 X-rays taken and was lucky that I had no broken bones. I did however have a very bad concussion and was purple across my chest where the seatbelt was. Later on (months) doctors found that I had severely damaged my 5 top vertebrae, especial the 3rd vertebrae. Had the 3rd been broken or moved more than it did I would not have been alive after the crash!

This damage to my body put me in physical therapy for 3 years 3 times a week and on pain meds for the 3 years. I could not work as an auto mechanic and to this day it causes me pain, headaches and debilitating dizzy spells were I cannot even get out of bed sometimes. It has severely limited my ability to do certain jobs and makes my life much harder to cope with in general. From 1992 until 2007 I could only work 1/2 day jobs and that was difficult. I have been better after the 3 years of physical therapy plus I studied as a personal fitness trainer to learn more about my body and keep myself fine tuned so to speak. I still have nightmares about that eventful night sometimes and think of how it changed/ruined my life. For a long period after the crash I had my second bad depression.

I do NOT recommend driving off the road to end things. Cars are rather safe and chances are you will live through it and be damaged to a degree that causes you suffering for the rest of your life. I am not trying to make you feel worse in any way but felt obligated to tell you my story so you have an idea of what driving of the road can do to you, from someone who has been through it first hand. There is much more detail to this story but I tried to keep this as short as I could and to the point. Feel free to ask me more if you like. I am sorry I am not in a good state of mind to be to uplifting to anyone else since I am dealing with extreme physical and mental problems at the moment. Take care.

The Iceman

Last edited by Ella; 09-15-13 at 08:22 AM.
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