Emotional stability feels good. Self-love feels good. Self-acceptance feels good.

I feel good. Like I've grown into myself and my abilities, into who I am. Like I can finally stop wishing I was a different person. Like I can let go of the past, and finally appreciate the gifts that I do have.

I don't know why things are clicking for me now when they didn't before. There was no magic thing that I did. I wasn't on medication, I haven't changed anything radically in my life. Perhaps it was visiting with my mom over the holidays, learning more dark secrets in our family history that show just how unhappy generations of us have been... and the futility of that mindset sinking in, finally. The knowledge that I do not have to be another link in that chain - and what better time to change than NOW, when I am still healthy and capable? What am I waiting for?

Nothing, anymore. But I slogged through the swamps for a long time, and I'll never look down on anyone who's suffering in that place. It's a misery, and a soul-stealer, and if I have a chance to help someone else out of that shithole, I'll be there with arms outstretched.

So, you know, I'll see you around and stuff ;)

What a great post. I'm delighted for you :-)

YES!!!
there needs to be a WOOOOOO! or HELLYEAH smiley
forgive me, but that's exciting to read

It's been six months since I wrote the posting above, with its ambitious title declaring myself a success. Heh, it makes me cringe now, cuz it sounds so smug, so obnoxious. I think I was wanting to be super positive, because of how good I felt. My thoughts about myself had been so negative for so long, it felt revolutionary to be 100% "pro me", like writing it down would make it true forever.

But there is no forever. I've wanted life to be comprised of absolutes, but it's not. Emotions cycle, luck changes, shit happens. Hanging in there with grace and patience when things get dull... I've never been too good at that. And continuing the good habits that got me here, that's a real challenge. The tendency to slide back into lazy, procrastinating, depressive behavior still lurks.

So, I keep an eye on it. Things are going well, but it's not an automatic cakewalk. "Success" is a flexible thing, like a hedge that will get overgrown real quick without love and care. Be your own gardeners, my friends.

love, LBC