I was never a depressed child, although I am reminded frequently that I was very naughty! I never had any problems while growing up, well none that I would have noticed.
But a few separate occasions seemed to tip me over the edge completely at around the age of 17, a close family member had passed away in a car accident, and because of that another family member had tried to kill herself, then after that my mother had nearly died from blood poisoning and bowel collapse, that and a mix of other minor things led to me starting to drink heavy, obviously my family and friends never noticed as I suppose this was ‘’expected’’ at this age anyway.
Day to day I didn’t seem to understand anyone or anything anymore, death was always in my thoughts for no reason and I seemed to associate it with everything around me. I had trouble trying to find a purpose in myself and the things that I did, for maybe 2 or 3 years Id just lay around lost. Suicide was a regular theme for me to contemplate and in a drunken stupor I had nearly achieved it, which led to me being taken to the doctors and being given meds.
While on meds I seemed to be collecting my thoughts a little better, instead of spending all day hiding myself from the world, I would sit and read, or watch movies, the rush of information intrigued me and I became interested in people again, as I became more and more involved, I had the blessing of having 3 nieces and 1 nephew come into this world. Watching them grow up made me realize what I couldn’t see anymore, I suddenly had a zest for life again and decided that I wouldn’t let these feelings take me over even though now I am more emotional, it’s the emotions which truly make me feel alive and glad to be around.
So nowadays I have achieved management at my job, Still enjoy crying at movies (don’t tell my pops ;-P), but I’ve also became more spiritual, I find meditation gives me time to stop and collect myself from time to time, but now I feel I have a purpose, that’s what I needed all along. Something to let me know that the reasons for being here MASSIVELY outweigh the reasons for not.
Now I will never look back, the world is truly a beautiful place.
I hope my emotional ramblings make sense and maybe it can inspire something in someone!