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I used to suffer. I used to feel lonely

This is a discussion on I used to suffer. I used to feel lonely within the Success Stories forums, part of the Resources category; According to the wiki-pedia definition, "the Ego acts according to the reality principal- i.e. it seeks to please the ids ...

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Old 10-20-10, 06:08 PM   #11
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According to the wiki-pedia definition, "the Ego acts according to the reality principal- i.e. it seeks to please the ids drive in realistic ways that will benefit in the long term rather than bringing grief. A healthy ego is important to the development of self. The model of the psyche is the id, a set of uncoordinated instinctual trends, the ego, the organized, realistic part, and the super-ego, the critical, moralizing role. ...These are functions of the mind, rather than actual physical properties of the brain."
I quote this because I think that a lot of us fail to develop a healthy ego in fear of seeming superior, in fact I would say that most of us go in the opposite direction and become codependent- without any sense of self.
I think Honesty's advice would aid in a healthy development of the ego and result in better mental health.
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Old 10-20-10, 06:23 PM   #12
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Closely related to the super-ego or should I say opposed, is shyness.

Often, shyness can prevent people from 'being who they are'.

But when you think about it shyness is not ingrained. You have accepted the label of being shy. It has been reinforced through your experiences with others. Thus you have learned to behave in harmony with the belief that you are shy. So shyness is merely acting out the thoughts or beliefs you have of being different, odd or inferior to other persons. You think others are making negative judgments of you, that they don’t like you. You think others are better or more normal than you. You think things will go all wrong if you try to relate to other people. Then you behave as if all these beliefs were actually true. You expect things to turn out badly, and they often do—because you tense up and act in harmony with your beliefs.

To appreciate this, consider what usually goes on in the mind. In the presence of others, you start to think inwardly, wondering what they think of you, how to control their impressions. You think negatively about yourself—how unpleasant it is, how you can get out of the situation. Unsure of yourself, you speak softly, if at all. You shun eye contact and avoid taking action—all of this because you are very self-conscious. You lack confidence in yourself; you think yourself inferior.

But in reality that does not mean you are inferior, or that others think you are.
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Old 11-03-10, 09:21 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opensupport View Post
Closely related to the super-ego or should I say opposed, is shyness.

Often, shyness can prevent people from 'being who they are'.

But when you think about it shyness is not ingrained. You have accepted the label of being shy. It has been reinforced through your experiences with others...
Brilliant post. Absolutely brilliant.
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Old 11-03-10, 09:24 PM   #14
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Oh, and thanks guys. I'm glad this post could be of some help.

In regards to reading material, I've been quite fond of an author by the name of Jed McKenna. Life has been changed forever ;)

If Tolle, Alan Watts, or Krishnamurti interests anybody here, check out Jed.
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Old 11-03-10, 10:47 PM   #15
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One more thing ...

Emotion is a result of thought.

Try it for yourself. The next time you feel a "negative" emotion (stress and anxiety are really common), check your thoughts. What are you thinking about and in what time period (past or future)?

So the key is to be aware your thoughts, don't let them drift or spiral out of control. This does take practice.
I agree. I have read an article about ego (and super-ego) a while ago and it said something about this. Let's say if you're thinking a negative thought and let's say you're thinking about suicide - the more you focus on that thought, the more it "stains" your ego. It marks it. So the longer you linger on that thought the more it will make you feel bad. And the next time you'll thought about suicide you'll feel instantly depressed. So I guess the key to this is to be mindful all of the time but that's not at all easy and just like you said, it takes practice. A lot of it.

On the other hand, it seems to me that basically everything is ego-driven. Whatever you do or try to do, you do it for a certain purpose, mostly you do it because you want to feel good about yourself. Isn't that also fulfilling what the ego wants? Let's say I want to learn how to play a guitar, I'm actually trying to please my ego to rock out like somebody I admire and one day be as good as them. That's our ego talking. Everything we do is our ego.

But I could be just plain wrong :).
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Old 11-03-10, 11:03 PM   #16
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I agree!
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Old 01-04-11, 12:18 PM   #17
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Wow. I can not emphasize how much your story has related to me! I can't thank you enough for sharing that with everyone, and I'm glad you're feeling better! :)
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Old 01-11-11, 04:34 PM   #18
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Wow, Your story has really helped me out soooooo much!!!!! Thanks for sharing...............( :
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Old 05-09-11, 04:30 AM   #19
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I just wanted to say thanks for the post and also the responses. I can relate so much to everything that's been said. I'm still trying to understand myself better and am still in the process of learning to better deal with things. It's really hard at times and I know it's not going to happen overnight but I'm determined. Thanks again, some great insight in this thread!
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Old 08-10-11, 11:36 PM   #20
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When I read this post, I was erratic, emotional and crazy. After I read it, I felt more calm and began to think. I am so glad that you have achieved this for yourself and now your helping others. Thanks You
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