I've never joined a Forum before but I thought I should share a bit of my story.
I'm in my early twenties, a female, high intelligence, with a history of relationship instability, trauma, depression, suicide attempts, cutting, and a 3-year struggle to find a way to live a life in which I wouldn't constantly be bombarded with the idea I can check out at any moment.
Right now, I'm content. I've been consistently OK for approximately two months. This is quite a feat as I have been battling severe depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation for 3 years. I've been on virtually every type of medication; I've tried meditation, running (even doing a half marathon), simplification, alcohol, drugs... Nothing seemed to work, or if it did, it would only help for a week or two and then I would be back in an agonizing mental hole.
Finally, after relapsing into cutting again, I asked my doctor to switch me to Effexor as I had been on Lexapro for about six months.
At first I had too much energy on Effexor- I couldn't sleep properly and I was having active nightmares and more anxiety. But after about two weeks, my thoughts cleared. I no longer had intrusive suicidal thoughts... The constant existential crisis I'd believed I was in dissipated.. I generally felt OK. Not overly joyous- just OK.
Now I can see my future, and honestly, I NEVER thought this would happen.
I just wanted to tell the world and tell you guys if you can find one medication that can give you enough clarity to push forward, you can truly start a journey to recovery. Do not stop with the SSRIs, or the Tricylics, or the SNRIs- just keep trying every different one. Eventually there will be something to halt that negative feedback thinking. I promise with all my heart.
Although I know Effexor won't fix everything, it has given me enough clarity and energy to get my life back on track so that when I do fall again (I am no longer naive to think that I won't relapse) I will have mental measures in place to keep me moving forward... most importantly the realization of hope... This too shall pass.
Keep trying. Do NOT give up. If I can type this today, you can type this tomorrow.