I drink in periods, I admit that.
I use alcohol to keep myself from losing it or from feeling, I guess you could say.
Once again I've started drinking. Gin & Tonic is the choice of the day. I got so upset and hurt by something my girlfriend(whom I'm living with) said that I need that booze to keep me from hurting myself. I know alcohol is a depressant and I know it's not good to combine meds in general with alcohol, but I can't help it. Because I'm rather numb than crying my eyes out and having that pain throb inside. I'd rather drink than having to walk for hours on end to take the edge of anxiety away. I've already walked for a few hours today. I don't feel like even speaking, to anyone, and I don't feel like being in the same room as my girlfriend. Right now she's curled up on the bed looking like she feels very sorry for herself when she's the one that's really hurt me. Why should I accept a measly "Sorry" and then hher walking away when she saw me crumbling? I'm falling apart and I don't know how to cope without alcohol. My sleep is crappy even though we upped my dosage of sleep meds and my new anti-depressant isn't helping either and I'm just so very tired of it all.
Is it so bad to drink? I can't hurt myself because my parents will come to visit tomorrow. I don't know how else to cope. It's one of the few coping mechanisms that actually work. I don't have any Sobril(benzodiazepin) left and I've went through the even a hundred times in my mind already. I don't know how else to cope!

You probably don't want to hear this but drinking isn't really a very good coping mechanism. It might make you feel better temporarily by making you unable to feel your emotional pain, but it will make you feel more depressed afterwards. I don't know what antidepressant and sleep meds you are taking, but its not recommended to use alcohol when you are on some of them.

When you are in a relationship its pretty darn impossible to sort out who is hurting who. So I would say there's a pretty good chance that your girlfriend feels that by getting drunk and ignoring her, you are the one who is making things worse and you are the one that is hurting her. It looks one way to you, and it looks another way to her.

We all feel like we have to cover up our hurt for other people. What would happen if you just let your parents see that you were falling apart? Would that be so terrible? Maybe the best thing you can do right now is open up to the people around you- like your parents, your girlfriend - and see if you can get some real help.

I usually don't even feel that bad afterwards, but still... I know it's bad.
I'm on Lithium and Aurorix - none that gets a different effect by alcohol but I do have Propavane and Imovane(Imovane gets a higher effect by alcohol). I wouldn't recommend anyone else either.

No, in this case it's pretty easy - she said something very hurtful which made me even start to cry and of course I don't want to have anything to do with her at that time because she hurt me so. She doesn't know about me getting drunk either.

Well, my parents would be worried - they know about my past and they know about me being put on sick leave from summer courses because of my illness. But it's one thing to know about illness and one thing to see it as it is. Even when I was a teenager and lived at home I'd tend to not show what I was feeling - and I was hospitalized at age 15. I hate worrying people, especially people I care about. I feel like I've caused them more worry and hurt then they deserve already. I keep on getting new doctors here in Uppsala and I don't know when I'll get a doctor to keep and I'm afraid I'll get a bad one like the ones before. I'm tired of doctors that don't listen or that don't give me the proper info (I'm not stupid, even though some act like it, I'm starting my studies to be a Bio Medicinal Analyst this fall and I know a lot about the human mind and psychology and I've read up on a lot of meds).......... The only help I'll get if is I go to the ER and get myself checked in or something, because the docs in the open ward seem like they don't know much about anything...

It sounds like you're in a great deal of pain. Would you mind telling us what your gf said?

I don't know...you could look up coping strategies for depression and anxiety. Writing a journal helps me.