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This is a discussion on Trust within the Sexual Abuse forums, part of the Mental and Physical Health category; Sorry if this is long. Ive always felt like it was no big deal, but when I was little an ...

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Old 01-04-11, 11:56 PM   #1
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Sorry if this is long. Ive always felt like it was no big deal, but when I was little an older girl used to touch me in ways that I felt uncomfortable about. I know its nothing compared to rape, but I never really opened up to anyone about it, and I can't stop feeling guilty. My families religion says its wrong, and ever since I could remember I dreaded going to church or people bringing up topics about how gays are wrong, because the person who touched me when I was 5 was also female. My mom is a teacher for troubled kids, but she can be cruel sometimes.

When I finally told her one day, during one of our fights in which I broke down, she said it wasnt the older girls fault, and that it wasnt bad because she (the girl) was most likely molested/raped etc too. The thing I hate the most is my mom was molested twice in her life. She parades it around and tells everyone about it while I cant help but feel ashamed. I dont know how anyone can just tell random strangers about something disturbing as sexual abuse. A couple days after telling my mom the truth she told my grandmother (a religious fanatic) at a public soccer game about it. She was not quiet about it. My sister sitting 3 seats down heard the whole thing. Worse was she said the older girls name. Worse than that, the older girl's very close cousin was sitting right next to them along with her parents. And I see this girl practically every day.
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Old 01-05-11, 12:07 AM   #2
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First of all, none of this is your fault. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. Just because she didn't rape you doesn't mean you weren't hurt by it. Even if this older girl was molested, it doesn't excuse what she did to you. You have every right to feel sad, but I hope you don't feel ashamed. It wasn't your fault.

I'm so sorry that it got out the way it did. I'm surprised your mother and sister reacted the way they did. I don't know if talking with them would help out, but at the very least, you can talk to me if you ever need an ear.

I hope you feel better. Best wishes!
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Old 01-05-11, 12:13 AM   #3
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So sorry to hear that happened to you hun, and the fact that your Mother said it aloud must be really hurtful. But as the above posted said, none of it is/was your fault.

You can come here to vent out all you want, you will find people are supportive and non judgemental .
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Old 01-05-11, 12:58 AM   #4
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Thank you
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Old 01-10-11, 10:10 PM   #5
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This isn't your fault. I'm sorry you were hurt too.
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Old 01-11-11, 12:38 PM   #6
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I'm sorry this happened to you. It wasn't your fault.

As far as the religious/gay thing goes, even in stricter/conservative faith traditions, I can't imagine any of them would fault you for what happened to you when you were 5 and didn't know any better and couldn't really do anything about it anyway. Don't feel bad.

As far as your mom goes, she's way across the line of what's appropriate to talk about in public. Talking about her own experiences so openly, though not necessarily "wrong," seems like a bad idea .. like going too far and crossing the boundaries the other way. But for her to talk about what happened to you so openly and publicly, DEFINITELY highly inappropriate. You don't have anything to be "ashamed" of, but the whole point of it is, it's YOUR experience .. your highly personal experience. YOU should be the gatekeeper of that information, how and when to share it and with whom. She needs to shut the fuck up.
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sexuality, shame

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