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I do not know what to do

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Old 02-16-21, 02:11 PM   #21
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Nice, so now you have a plan for who to talk to; mum, teacher, doctor.

With your friends, it might make you anxious, but the only way to find out if they’re still okay being your friends is if you talk to them. Is there anything holding you back? Are you worried that they might not want to be?

I don’t know how much the man is to be pitied. Maybe he didn’t choose to have the thoughts that were in his head, but he did choose to act on them. I wouldn’t dwell to much on trying to understand him; there are some things in this world that we will never know, no matter how much we would like to. Sometimes people do terrible things and all we know is that they did it, but not why.

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Originally Posted by rottenpizza View Post
Thank you! You've helped me a lot, I just really wouldn't know what to do hehe.
That’s alright, I’m just happy to help
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Old 02-16-21, 04:37 PM   #22
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Yup, I'll talk to mommy after talking to the doctor. I think that tomorrow or the day after tomorrow I will have another medical exam or another procedure for internal damage, I think (I'm a little nervous). I'm going to have to stay in the hospital for at least one night, I'll have an excuse to talk to many doctors hehe. I don't know how to express myself very well, but I know that when I hear the words of the doctor, I will have a more concise idea and my mother will listen to me :).

Yes, talking to my friends makes me a little nervous. I'm afraid that I disgust them or that they think they should give me special treatment and that nothing will be the same again.


Well, the truth is that it scares me to think that he did what he did because yes, I can't help but feel sorry for him. He seemed like a good person, he turned into someone bad. I can't lie, I hate Daniel but I guess he was also a child like me, how can someone suddenly turn bad? Something bad must have happened to him, and I'm afraid to become like him, I'd rather kill myself before being like him.

I'm glad it makes you happy to help! : D that gives a good impression of you.
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Old 02-17-21, 07:09 PM   #23
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I hope all goes well at the hospital :)

With your friends you said you're worried that things won't be the same if you try and talk to them again. But once you were in contact with them, so if you all continue not to talk then things will still not be the same as they were. It's up to you whether you think it's worth trying to contact them again, and you don't have to if you don't want to. Maybe it's worth making a list of the pros and cons for contacting them, and another list of pros and cons for not contacting them?

I don't know if it's helpful to view people as either good or bad. People can have both good and bad traits; in some people there are more good traits, while in others there are more bad traits. This means there can be some negative aspects to an otherwise wonderful person, and there can be some positive aspects of an otherwise horrible person. Some people may only have a few bad traits, but sometimes they can be so terrible so as to outweigh the good.

The man might not necessarily have been a good person who turned bad, he may have just concealed the bad side from everyone else. Sometimes bad people might find it useful to hide the negative aspects of themselves to gain trust, and then they exploit this trust for their own selfish reasons.

Why are you afraid that you might become like him?
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Old 02-17-21, 07:37 PM   #24
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Thanks for your good wishes : )


I decided, I will talk to my friends again, well, not with everyone ... Today in class (online) as soon as they said my name to take attendance, two of my friends turned on their microphone on purpose to laugh at me, they did not say nothing, they just laughed. I never felt so betrayed.

That issue of good and bad people confuses me, being honest, as I had understood, all people are good. But what you are telling me is interesting, I will reflect on it for a longer time.

Wow I never thought about the possibility that his nature was "bad", since as you say, I do not think it is very useful to classify each person as good or bad.

Well, thinking about that option of looking for people who have gone through the same thing, I found that many people who were victims like me, become abusers. I'm so scared, I don't want to be like him.
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Old 02-24-21, 10:41 PM   #25
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:( sometimes people can be cruel. Are you sure they were laughing at you? If they don't treat you well then I agree it may not be worth talking to them, but I'm glad you've decided to reach out to your other friends.

Hmm, I guess it really depends on what you mean by "all people are good". If you mean that all people have the potential for good, then I agree, but not everyone lives up to their potential. It also depends on how we use the word "bad"; if we use "bad" to mean "completely bad" then I don't know if that truly describes anyone. But if we use the word "bad" to mean "more bad than good" then I think it's a useful term. This is more how I use the word when I describe the man; that the bad parts of him outweigh the good. When I said I don't find it helpful to view people as "either good or bad" I meant that it's not useful to view people as entirely good or entirely bad. I realise now that I've used the word to mean both things in previous posts, but hopefully this clears up some confusion.

I've also heard the hypothesis that victims of abuse are more likely to become abusers - when compared to the general population. I'm not sure how true this is; sometimes ideas make their way around a society even if they are false. I think there are two very important things you need to understand about this idea:
  • If it is true (and it may not be!) the way it's typically phrased implies that the majority of victims do not become abusers; they are just more likely to than people who were not abused. This means even if it is true, then you will probably not abuse anyone.
  • The second point to remember is - what you've heard might not be true. It was from a number of years ago, but I found a report from the United States General Accounting Office where they conducted a review of several studies into this issue. They determined that the results were "inconclusive" about whether victims of abuse are more likely to become abusers later in life. I have not had an in depth look at more recent research, but I do not believe anyone has established a solid link.

So, if what you have heard is true then you will probably not grow up to be an abuser. Furthermore, what you have heard could be false or exaggerated. On top of all of this you must remember that you have control over yourself. I believe in you and I think that if you ever did develop these urges later in life that you would not act on them because you know the harm it will inflict on others. If you do ever get these feelings then you should probably seek the help of a medical professional. I do not know what the rules are in your country, but in most places psychologists cannot disclose your personal information to others unless you are in immediate danger of harming yourself or in immediate danger of harming someone else.

Again, it is unfortunate that the actions of this man have made you worry about yourself. You haven't done anything wrong, and I think you are a good person - or at least I think the good in you vastly outweighs the bad I also think that you can be too hard on yourself, and I think you see a lot of bad in you that isn't really there.

I hope things have gone well at the hospital
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Old 02-25-21, 12:36 PM   #26
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Hello.
I think they laughed at me because, there wasn't much reason to laugh, nothing funny was happening. It's a lot of coincidence that they and I know each other and just when they say my name they start laughing.

Oh, this time it has become clearer to me about good and bad people. Thank you!.

It is a great relief to hear that not all abused people become abusers. I was a little bit worried.

Well, I think it's true, sometimes I'm very hard on myself. I will try to see things in a more positive way! Although it will be a little difficult for me.

Yes! things in the hospital were fine, in the end there was no such serious damage.

I don't know those things very well about my country, but as far as I know, while you are a minor, psychologists have the obligation to tell your parents everything.

And there is good news! several things have happened lately. I had the opportunity to speak with a psychiatrist at the hospital, he convinced my mother that it was essential to treat both physical and mental damage.
I managed to clarify many of my doubts with the specialist, I had to do an EEG, the doctor wanted to intervene with several medications so I needed these studies.

Things seem to be getting better!
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Old 02-25-21, 04:56 PM   #27
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That's unfortunate about your friends, but at least you still have other friends to reach out to. Are your other friends in the same class as you?

You might be correct about psychologists having to tell your parents if you're a minor. I was responding to your concern about growing up to be an abuser; what I was trying to say was if you do get those thoughts later in life when you're an adult, which is far from certain, you can always reach out to medical professionals for help. And if you did have to reach out for help you can be assured that they can't legally divulge what you tell them, which means there's no risk in asking for help. But again, I don't think this is something you have to seriously worry about - like I said, most victims do not become abusers.

Good to hear you are doing well; knowing that there's no serious physical damage is one less thing to worry about. Things seem to be looking up for you :) It's great that your mum is now on board with you getting psychological treatment, I'm glad that she's focusing on doing what's best for your wellbeing.

Hopefully things continue to improve
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Old 03-01-21, 07:15 AM   #28
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Yes, I never imagined that my friends did that. Yep, it's nice to have other good friends :). Yes, most of us are in the same classroom.

Ok, if I have wrong thoughts in the future, I swear I will seek help.

Yes! I am very happy that everything is going well. Thanks for your help!
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Old 03-04-21, 08:05 AM   #29
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We couldn't punish the bad man.

My mother did not want to give me the details, they do not let me know. They only say that it is possible for Daniel to go to jail because there is not enough evidence.

Mommy says she's doing her best so that he doesn't get away with it.

I don't understand what they mean by not having enough evidence. Weren't the medical documents enough for all the damage he did to me?

It never seemed right to me to wish someone to go to jail but I can't help but feel very angry about this.

I can not take it. Mom is getting in a lot of trouble for this. Many people already told me that it was good for me to tell what happened but again I feel that everything would be better if I had kept my mouth shut.
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Old 03-04-21, 08:31 AM   #30
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not possible*
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