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I do not know what to do

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Old 02-08-21, 12:47 PM   #11
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Default I'm ready to talk of it

Ok, this took me a while to think about it, but I can't stand it anymore.

I was thinking of never saying anything and waiting to be older one day and running away or just turning the page and forgetting it. But I asked mom what happened to the bad man, and she said everything was fine that I didn't have to miss him anymore, he would be back soon.

And I don't want Daniel to ever come back, I don't want Mommy to be sad for not seeing him but this time I will give myself the opportunity to be a little selfish and I will tell her, maybe if I tell her she will tell him don't come back because he's bad.

When I asked mommy if he would come back and she said yes I think I made a long face because she asked what was wrong.
I think she also suspects that he is a bad man.

Thanks to those who advised me, today I will tell mommy.
I'm afraid that she thinks I'm lying, she'll think I'm a liar boy and a brat.
Wish me luck.
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Old 02-08-21, 06:08 PM   #12
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I understand this must have been a difficult decision for you, but I think it’s a good idea and I think you’re being very brave.

You said you think you’re being “a little selfish” and that you didn’t want your mum to be “sad for not seeing him”. This isn’t a good way to look at the situation; not every action you take on your own behalf is selfish. When we are in pain, or when we have been wronged, it’s not selfish to bring these feeling up to others - nor is it wrong to do something about it.

I think your mum cares more about you than the man. I think she’d want you to tell her. And remember; none of this is your fault. If your mum is unhappy that he’s gone, then it’s his fault - not yours. He is responsible for any pain, and any unhappiness, that you and your mum feel. You are not being selfish; he was being selfish. Hurting someone like he did is wrong; but there’s nothing wrong with telling someone you’ve been hurt.

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope the conversation with your mum goes well
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Old 02-09-21, 08:45 AM   #13
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Thank you! The conversation with my mom went very well. She cried and I didn't like that, but she said it made her happy that I told her that.
She took me to do some very uncomfortable medical exam and there will be more but she says that this way it will be much easier to punish the bad man and she said that I should not feel guilty about that.
Everyone's advice has helped me to make this decision, thank you very much. You're a good person.
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Old 02-09-21, 07:26 PM   #14
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This is good news! I'm glad you felt comfortable talking to her, and I'm glad the conversation went well. Just remember that it's always okay to speak up when something goes wrong

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Old 02-10-21, 08:27 AM   #15
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It's still a bit difficult to talk when things are going wrong but strangely speaking it didn't feel so bad, it was liberating. Thank you very much for your words!
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Old 02-12-21, 10:52 AM   #16
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Default I'm so damn dirty.

I can't even believe it myself.
It's been a few days since I told Mom and I can't believe how calm I was. Now I can only feel hysteria I've been thinking about deleting my previous posts, I feel so much embarrassment.
I think it would have been better to keep quiet and wait, that was the plan.

Lately my friends no longer write to me, do I disgust them? I can't blame them, I disgust myself a lot.

I have not been able to sleep in the last few nights.
I have nightmares I know they are not real but they seem so real.
I can see him again, he enters my room and goes up to my bed, he puts his hands on me as always and calls me "champion" in that dream he hardly ever hurts me but I still feel fear and without lying I also feel disgust.

In the dream, he had never hurt me until last night. In the dream everything was repeated as always but this time I could not wake up I tried my best to wake up, but I couldn't and he did the thing that hurts to me.

I just remembered that, I also see shadows I think the bad man has returned but in the form of a shadow. Is it a ghost?


I told mom about the nightmares but I think she hates me. I think it's my fault that she looks like a zombie, she just keeps smoking and crying and I can't do anything because she gets mad if I try to make her feel better. I should have shut my mouth, it's my fault.


I didn't want to shower this morning either, mom yelled at me for that. She doesn't understand it, I disgust myself, I disgust everyone, I don't want to touch myself or see myself in the mirror in the least.

I just want to get out of this body, this is dirty, I need a new one.
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Old 02-12-21, 04:06 PM   #17
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If your mum is feeling this way because of what happened, then itís not your fault for telling her - itís the manís fault for what he did. If he never did anything then none of this would have happened. Whoís in the wrong; the person who harmed someone else intentionally, or the victim who spoke up about it?

Iím a little disturbed that your mum is yelling at you after what happened, she should understand that youíre in a vulnerable position and have just gone through something deeply traumatic. Do you think itís possible for you to have a conversation with your mum, to help her understand how you feel? I know you told her about what happened, but have you tried to explain this feeling of being ďdirtyĒ, or about the nightmares? Do you think sheíd be understanding? You seemed hesitant to talk her about what happened with the man, but once you did she said she was glad you told her about it. Perhaps more communication is the key?

If you donít feel like you can talk to your mother, is there anyone else you might feel comfortable talking to? Do you have any other relatives you are close with, or a teacher at school that you trust? Do you think your mum would be willing to send you to therapy, or is there maybe a counselor at your school? Keeping these feelings bottled up will not help; it can feel difficult to talk to others about our problems, and it can be hard brining up things weíd rather forget, but in the long run itís better to confront the problems in our lives than to pretend they donít exist.

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Originally Posted by rottenpizza View Post
Lately my friends no longer write to me, do I disgust them? I can't blame them, I disgust myself a lot.
Do your friends even know about what happened? I havenít been through what you have, but I have had moments in my life where I retracted from the world - this resulted in less communication with my friends. Have your tried reaching out to your friends? Maybe they feel similar, and you might each be waiting for the other person to reach out for contact. There are many reasons why friends sometimes drop out of contact, sometimes life gets busy and we forget to talk to those who are close to us - and sometimes we forget just how much time has passed since we last spoke.

Why do you feel like you disgust others? I donít think you do, but I think this feeling of disgust is just another result of what the man did to you. Heís already harmed you enough, he doesnít have to keep harming you further. Did you feel this way before, or only after what happened?

The process of healing doesnít happen overnight and there will be ups and downs along the way. Remember that none of this is your fault; you didnít set out to hurt anyone, and any actions youíve taken have been in pursuit of healing. You canít blame someone, even yourself, for trying to heal - but you absolutely can blame someone, like the man, who set out to harm others. This situation is his fault, never confuse his culpability with your pain. Have you or your mother contacted anyone in regards to the man and what he did?

Things can change, others have been though similar situations and have made it out okay. Have you considered looking into support groups for people who were abused? It might be helpful to hear from other people who have experience something similar, maybe theyíd have useful advice, or it might just be calming to be around others who understand.

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Old 02-12-21, 09:58 PM   #18
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I think I can understand about mom. It is not her fault, Daniel was the only man she was with after my father died and he was the only man she did not choose well.

In fact, Mommy can't understand something if you don't tell her well, I haven't told her my reasons and I think that even if I don't tell her, she knows them but she's afraid to accept it, maybe I don't know. I'm afraid to tell mom, I'm afraid she will get angry and won't believe me or else she will treat me again like a Pomeranian who has been run over. But I will think about it.

There is a very good teacher at my school, his name is Jorge.

The bad guy thing has been going on for about 11 months or so before the quarantine, when he still wasn't living with us. Before it was milder, he used to look at me in a very ugly way and sometimes he
He used to caress my back or my leg but he did it in an ugly way too. When it all started, I got very sad for some reason, but I thought it was normal, and I told a teacher because they often tell us that they would help us in whatever way they could but he don't take it well, you see, in My country and in my city, people are very homophobic (I learned a new word) and he just said that he did not want fags in his classroom (it sounds hard to believe but it is true, people here are like that). But some time later, I asked another teacher about the subject, they are not allowed to talk to us about those subjects because my school is very religious, he could not tell me much but he told me that it was not right and that in case it was happening, I was supposed to tell him immediately, but somehow I convinced him that everything was fine. However, he is still behind me, maybe I can talk to him if mom doesn't want to listen to me.

I don't think mom wants to take me to therapy. It scares me and she says that God cures everything, apart from recent medical studies, she does not take me to the doctor often because that would be disrespecting our Lord. I have told her many times that it is necessary, but she does not listen to me as always

I'm definitely going to face my problems but I don't want to do it without mommy.

I guess my friends must know or at least their parents. They are usually whiny and fearful, no wonder they stopped talking to me. I'm sorry, I sound very violent but the truth is I don't know how to feel or why they distanced themselves, it may be, as you say, because I stopped talking to them when I felt bad. I feel like a bad friend.

I started to feel disgusted since he became mom's boyfriend. My body may look like a whore and that's why he did what he did, that's what I usually think. I'm so childish sorry.

I understand that the victim is not the one who is to blame and I should not feel guilty, that is selfish because everyone tries to help me. But I can't help but feel guilty, I remember that when the bad man used to do things to me sometimes I felt good, I didn't want it but at the end of the day, it felt good while he did it, that's why it's my fault and that's why I am a dirty.

Maybe I will talk to people with the same situation, but it will still be difficult for me.

Again, thank you very much for your words and for taking the time to write and read me. Sorry to cause you so much trouble.
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Old 02-13-21, 11:24 PM   #19
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It's hard for me to recommend talking/not talking to your mum - I, of course, don't know much about either of you. I think talking to her is a good idea; she seemed to take it well when you told her what had happened to you. She didn't seem to get angry then, so I think it's possible that she might be willing to hear you out now. But you know her better than I do, if you really think she might get angry with you then you might need to find someone else to tell. That being said, I don't think she won't believe you; she believed you when you talked about Daniel, so I think she'd believe what you have to say about your feelings and your experience.

If you do trust the other teacher then he might be a good person to talk to if the conversation with your mother doesn't go well. I'm sorry to hear that so many people where you live wouldn't be willing help in a situation like this, and I think it's terrible that the first teacher you talked to didn't want to help - even though teachers should be looking out for their pupils. At least there is another teacher who might be willing to help.

Again, it's unfortunate that your mum wouldn't want to take you to therapy. You said there would be more medical exams in the future, do you think you could ask the staff at the hospital if there's a psychologist available to see you? Even a short discussion with one when you're there next could be helpful, I'm sure they'd have access to useful resources.

Do you think your mum told your friends' parents about what happened? I was wondering if you possibly told them but if you didn't, and if you think they know, then I wonder who told them?

I'm sorry if I made you think you were a bad friend - this isn't what I was trying to get at. I was just trying to say that life can get in the way sometimes, and sometimes communication between friends might just slow down and stop without anybody knowing why. Even then it was just one possibility. Do you think you still want to be friends with them? If you do, would you feel comfortable trying to contact them again?

I don't think that Daniel did those things because you think you "look like a whore". There's nothing objective about you that caused him to do what he did. He must have acted upon what's inside his own mind. He is not some mindless robot that does what he is programmed to do without any self control. You did not force him to do what he did - he did what he did because there is something wrong with him. There is something wrong with his mind that made him want to do this; he did what he did even though he knew it was wrong.

I understand the situation is still difficult for you, this isn't the kind of thing you get past overnight. But I'm glad you're taking steps in the right direction.

And you are not causing me any trouble People come here to talk about their problems, or to help others with their problems. You're not forcing me to talk to you, I'm more than happy to help in what little way that I can.
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Old 02-15-21, 08:34 AM   #20
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Hello.
Yes well, thanks for your advice, when I wrote that message, Mom was being distant and yelling at me for moments. I guess I was upset and took it more seriously than it was. I'll talk to mommy, but when she's more calm or sober.

Well, people here are always rude it is normal. Yup my teacher is option B in case my mom is never willing to talk about it again


Oh I think I can do that, ask to a doctor. Sometimes they ask mom to leave the room at the time of exams, I can ask the doctor and she won't be there to get mad

I suspect that Mommy told my friends' mothers. Here it is very normal to talk about the most personal things, even if then they are talking about the new gossip out there. I think my friends' moms told their husbands and they don't let my friends talk to me anymore, it's a theory.


Don't apologize, I'm very stupid, I don't usually get what people really want to tell me. They are my lifelong friends, of course I want them to be my friends again, and I would feel comfortable because I already know them, what I don't know is if they would feel comfortable next to me, those from school would annoy them.

Thanks, it's just that, I don't understand why someone would do what he did. I just can't understand it, did he have a disease that made him act like this? It's the only reason I can find, poor him.

Thank you! You've helped me a lot, I just really wouldn't know what to do hehe.

Yes, now that I think about it, yes, here people come to that, to help and be helped, it is just that, no one has ever taken so long to listen to me and I feel like I cause you problems, although it is good to know that I do not cause them: )
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